Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML
Today, my boss made me come in at 10 a.m. instead of noon like he usually does. I’ve had nine cups of coffee and STILL can’t keep my eyes open. Why am I like this? FML
Today, after I spent years making fun of people who buy expensive coffee every morning instead of making it at home, and after I got a remote job and started living alone, I realized the barista at the café is currently the closest thing I have to a social life. Yesterday she remembered my order and I nearly felt emotional. FML
Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML
Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
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Top comments
greenie213 23
At least he's honest. Now try shutting your mouth every now and again.
Pleonasm 35
Maybe you should get the hint, stop whining and enjoy your warm cup of shut the **** up.
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Comments (58)
crudeandrudeguy 29
Well, he's not beating around the bush. If he's aggravated enough to just come out and say it I suggest you take the hint before he trades the coffee for a tire iron....
KayleeT 9
That was a polite way to tell you to shut the hell up ..
noelasis94 18
In that case never let a good thing die
starw0lf 31
Was it the giant size coffee? Buying extra time! :)
wlddog 14
Did someone say fetish??
TrinityisLife 22
Put out a bowl with a sign that says "Free Earplugs!" by their desk.
obviousboy 8
In the words of Alison Rosen, "Zip it ****!"
lochiamochia 25
How does repetitive cups of coffee aid in the suppression of the amount of speech one does? Is he trying to burn your tongue, so that you will be in too much pain to talk? Otherwise, I'm lost on his logic..... I would agree that NyQuil would have a much better effect.
countryrose92 23
You can't talk if you have liquid in your mouth. Although I agree, most people talk more between sips. Depends on who the person is. When I have coffee I shut up and drink it and enjoy my coffee and my thoughts. This logic would work for me.
Wizardo 33
Yeah well now you know shut the **** up some more :D
sirjuice35 11
shut the **** up already lol