Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML
Today, my boss made me come in at 10 a.m. instead of noon like he usually does. I’ve had nine cups of coffee and STILL can’t keep my eyes open. Why am I like this? FML
Today, after I spent years making fun of people who buy expensive coffee every morning instead of making it at home, and after I got a remote job and started living alone, I realized the barista at the café is currently the closest thing I have to a social life. Yesterday she remembered my order and I nearly felt emotional. FML
Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML
Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
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Top comments
greenie213 23
At least he's honest. Now try shutting your mouth every now and again.
Pleonasm 35
Maybe you should get the hint, stop whining and enjoy your warm cup of shut the **** up.
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Comments (58)
daniel_dd31 13
Take the free coffee, who cares!
martialeng 1
Ah, so you're one of those guys. Yeah, I would've told you to shut the hell up to, but I wouldn't have gotten you coffee. Too many people forget that you work in a cubicle and when you chat chat chat all day it's really annoying
WhisperSoflty 20
Maybe you should accept the free coffee shut up, then.
xInwex 12
Keep talking! Free coffee is free coffee...
Schizomaniac 24
You will get no coffee from me.
Imhere4fml 24
Count yourself lucky OP, many people don't get free coffee.
VannahJane 17
Free coffee is free coffee Edit: 19 beat me, sorry guys!
perdix 29
If he were smart, he'd be bringing you Ny-Quil in a Jaegermeister bottle.
Pleonasm 35
Can I have one, then? Strike that, just give me a good bolting anyday and I'll be satisfied.
Enslaved 36
What a fool for giving you his secret! Now you'll never shut up just to get free coffee. Edit: I wasn't the first to say this nor will I be the last.:P