Kids: Smart kid - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 105

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

Smart kid

By my_way_1213 - 09/06/2018 20:30

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 3 678

Mama's boy

Commando

Don't bring your lovelife into the workplace

TFIF!

By Heartbroken - 02/07/2021 21:17

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole who dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 810

You deserved it 5 817

We all grieve in our own ways

By clearkim - 08/04/2021 17:00

Today, it’s the anniversary of my mother’s death. My stepmom decided that since I’m not unusually sad or crying, it must mean I didn’t care that my own mom is dead, and am therefore a psychopath. Anniversaries mean nothing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 82

23/10/2012 04:21

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 349

You deserved it 5 082

Where is my mind?

By brainfart - 19/09/2020 10:01

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 76

23/12/2014 18:25

Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 3 022

02/02/2014 17:33

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 965

You deserved it 3 973

Turbulence

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 21:30

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 84

Lesson learned

By katharine - 15/03/2010 20:12

Today, I was daydreaming in bed when my phone rang from across the room. I scrambled out of my covers, tripped over a pair of boots I had by the bed, and slipped on some jeans laying on the floor. Luckily, I answered my phone in time, but only to have my mom tell me to clean my room before she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 038

You deserved it 30 581

16/12/2012 23:57

Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 510

You deserved it 4 024

10/01/2010 04:29

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 2 988

01/05/2009 04:33

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 845

You deserved it 54 178

01/07/2014 04:55

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 099

You deserved it 5 920

06/12/2011 05:05

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 834

You deserved it 5 740

11/06/2015 22:46

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 897

You deserved it 2 096

Moobs are great

By FML_Fan86 - 23/01/2021 20:02

Today, I finally got a "sexy" pic from my boyfriend. It's of his man boobs. They're bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 188

19/01/2017 08:00

Today, as I was putting on deodorant, I sneezed the hardest I've ever sneezed before. I ended up pulling a muscle in my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 980

You deserved it 578

19/07/2009 15:12

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 499

You deserved it 4 622

Jagged Little Pill

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 22:01

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 837

11/03/2009 18:35

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 837

You deserved it 92 405

15/02/2014 03:21

Spicy

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 830

You deserved it 9 586

13/07/2009 15:00

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 641

You deserved it 6 657

06/10/2011 22:28

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 859

You deserved it 2 160

20/10/2014 03:00

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 2 775

Friday, baby!

By jack - 20/08/2021 12:06

Today, I tried inviting the girl I like out to dinner. She replied, "Sorry, I already have plans." I asked her what they were, and she said, "I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 600

You deserved it 2 368

29/08/2012 04:19

Today, I came home from work to find my house was flooded from a broken pipe under the sink. My house had just recently had new wood floors, carpet and electrics installed because 6 months earlier my house had been flooded by the same pipe breaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 031

You deserved it 2 895

Weddings suck

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 16:02

Today, I got dragged to a wedding where I knew no-one. It went on for hours, I got so hungry. We get to the meal, my wife had forgotten to order a vegetarian meal for me. I couldn't eat the main meal, due to allergies and no alternative. I then spent two more hours just waiting to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 241

Happy Valentine's…

By Country - 12/02/2021 14:30

Today, I finally got my stimulus check and was big excited to be able to cash it and buy Valentine's Day gifts. The very second turn out of our driveway, dude and I got T-boned. Our only vehicle, with only two payments remaining, appears totalled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 111

17/06/2019 13:02

Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 282

15/07/2011 06:25

Spicy

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 735

You deserved it 3 877

15/04/2017 12:00

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 635

You deserved it 617

16/02/2013 00:39

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 721

You deserved it 3 745

02/04/2016 03:01

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 200

You deserved it 1 934

24/04/2012 14:03

Spicy

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 28 435

29/03/2014 21:31

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 822

You deserved it 5 318

31/08/2009 01:56

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 843

You deserved it 4 057

04/02/2016 15:16

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 192

You deserved it 1 735

12/09/2011 18:32

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 320

You deserved it 3 008

24/01/2011 05:11

Spicy

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 379

You deserved it 3 514

23/09/2016 01:52

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 987

You deserved it 1 064

Good morals, you say?

By ELinDawk - 31/08/2021 01:01

Today, I think I found the person I feel is my soulmate while I was in Montana this past weekend. My friend’s wife’s best friend. She was perfect, same sense of humor, same sarcasm, good morals, and absolutely gorgeous. I was struck. And then I received a text message from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 2 268

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Saturday 9 June 2018 20:35

You’re raising your kid right! He is right you know!

fluffy_gummybear 13

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Saturday 9 June 2018 21:02

Oh come on, that's not a fuck my life. That's your kid being kind and wanting to help you out. You're doing a good job. Would you rather your kid be bratty and ignorant all the time?

Comments

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Saturday 9 June 2018 20:35

You’re raising your kid right! He is right you know!

Stephanie Seguin 10

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Saturday 9 June 2018 20:39

That's cute :)

Christopher Martin 12

Saturday 9 June 2018 20:43

Parenting goals

pjsr 32

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Saturday 9 June 2018 20:51

He has a promising career as a drug dealer!

fluffy_gummybear 13

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Saturday 9 June 2018 21:02

Oh come on, that's not a fuck my life. That's your kid being kind and wanting to help you out. You're doing a good job. Would you rather your kid be bratty and ignorant all the time?

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Saturday 9 June 2018 21:04

I find that more cute then a fml shows the kid cares about your coffee needs

TwentyFourBeerz 18

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Saturday 9 June 2018 21:19

Im kinda confused now, how is this a FML? If anything its adorable and cute.

PenguinPal3017 19

Saturday 9 June 2018 21:26

This is the type of precious life moment that anyone would be lucky to experience.

PenguinPal3017 19

Saturday 9 June 2018 21:28

I'd say that you deserved it, but given that you thought "fml" instead of appreciating it I'd say that you didn't deserve it.

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Saturday 9 June 2018 21:30

This is super cute