By my_way_1213

Smart kid.

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2214

You deserved it

3641

Favorite

Kids

There's no helping some people

This is us

Can they do that?

By Iamsosorry - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32328

You deserved it

4107

Favorite

By AmihayG - Israel

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26007

You deserved it

2858

Favorite

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - United States - Arlington

Effective

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34020

You deserved it

3449

Favorite

By emperor - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48393

You deserved it

30553

Favorite

By LALALA3 - United States

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61730

You deserved it

9973

Favorite

By smalls727

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9573

You deserved it

2333

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40695

You deserved it

4969

Favorite

By december2009 - United States

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29705

You deserved it

9915

Favorite

By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6644

You deserved it

569

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41163

You deserved it

4598

Favorite

By artclasstrauma - United States

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44085

You deserved it

7753

Favorite

By grounded - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19211

You deserved it

47365

Favorite

By amore89

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1763

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By nutsucker - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57398

You deserved it

10835

Favorite

By iliveformystery - United States - Oshkosh

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33105

You deserved it

6541

Favorite

By Asian - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22819

You deserved it

1852

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27712

You deserved it

2937

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day packing my car full of boxes for my move tomorrow. When I finally finished, I realized I didn't have the car key. It's inside one of the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15659

You deserved it

32102

Favorite

By Bouh - France - Paris

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51116

You deserved it

9282

Favorite

By monsterinlaw - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35093

You deserved it

2624

Favorite

By smth - United States

Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17202

You deserved it

58098

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32787

You deserved it

6310

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34851

You deserved it

4629

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30451

You deserved it

2606

Favorite

By wrongguy - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58855

You deserved it

9678

Favorite

By kidswithnomanners - United States

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32236

You deserved it

10216

Favorite

By Almostlovedchild

Today, my father made a post on Facebook with an old baby picture, saying how proud he was that I got into college. This would have been sweet if the baby picture was actually of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6892

You deserved it

558

Favorite

By T-Bear - United States - College Station

Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36720

You deserved it

2205

Favorite

By Derps - Denmark

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18429

You deserved it

39254

Favorite

By icecreamer - United States

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42932

You deserved it

12673

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26370

You deserved it

4211

Favorite

By Eric Jurgensen - 10/6/2020 17:03

Used

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Champion sucker

Uh... Okay?

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4549

You deserved it

1597

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Management 101

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

589

You deserved it

Favorite

By shook - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1061

You deserved it

11601

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10396

You deserved it

45820

Favorite

By ChoirGuy - United States

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31581

You deserved it

4355

Favorite

By neednewdeoderant - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47442

You deserved it

3532

Favorite

By DontGetSlapped - United States - Conway

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39391

You deserved it

2468

Favorite

By Ali - 4/10/2020 23:02

Gas wars

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1003

You deserved it

332

Favorite

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Top comments

By acmariner99 | 23

#7645968 - Saturday 9 June 2018 20:35

You’re raising your kid right! He is right you know!

By fluffy_gummybear | 13

#7645980 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:02

Oh come on, that's not a fuck my life. That's your kid being kind and wanting to help you out. You're doing a good job. Would you rather your kid be bratty and ignorant all the time?

COMMENTS

By acmariner99 | 23

#7645968 - Saturday 9 June 2018 20:35

You’re raising your kid right! He is right you know!

By Stephanie Seguin | 10

#7645971 - Saturday 9 June 2018 20:39

That's cute :)

By Christopher Martin | 12

#7645973 - Saturday 9 June 2018 20:43

Parenting goals

By pjsr | 32

#7645976 - Saturday 9 June 2018 20:51

He has a promising career as a drug dealer!

By fluffy_gummybear | 13

#7645980 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:02

Oh come on, that's not a fuck my life. That's your kid being kind and wanting to help you out. You're doing a good job. Would you rather your kid be bratty and ignorant all the time?

By Icecold100 | 6

#7645981 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:04

I find that more cute then a fml shows the kid cares about your coffee needs

By TwentyFourBeerz | 18

#7645985 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:19

Im kinda confused now, how is this a FML? If anything its adorable and cute.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7645990 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:26

This is the type of precious life moment that anyone would be lucky to experience.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7645991 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:28

I'd say that you deserved it, but given that you thought "fml" instead of appreciating it I'd say that you didn't deserve it.

By Xikira | 7

#7645992 - Saturday 9 June 2018 21:30

This is super cute