By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 14:00

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Today, nine months after changing my entire life when my father had a stroke and I became his carer full time, I called my sister to talk about some his irrational behavior. All I got in response was, "I just watched a sad movie, I can't deal with this right now." FML

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Family values

Technologically challenged

Blender time!

By Username - United States

Classy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

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By Sam

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend at the mall at Victoria's Secret. We got separated, after which I saw 3 of my students. I teach middle school. FML

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By SmileEveryday - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chester

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

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By liz1234 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

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By Unlucky - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

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By johnny121 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

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By MakesMeLol - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

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By whyme27 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

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By nohablaespanol - United States - Sanger

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

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By dontplaywithmyfeelings - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

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By bbbeast - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

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By thecathater - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

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By georgiahick

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

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By Jake - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

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By cortanaisahobot - Canada - Toronto

Hot and… greasy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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By fthislyfe - Netherlands

Today, in an amphitheater, someone hit the back of my head. As I turned around, the guy apologized and said he mistook me for his friend. I changed seats, and after a while, I got hit a second time. He was wrong again. FML

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By Anonymous - Taiwan

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

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By hating labels - Australia

Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML

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By SillyScotsman - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

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By notsohappy - United States

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

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By sandwichsex - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

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By deanlazore - United States - Brunswick

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

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By anon - United States - Spencer

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

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By bent & broken - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

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By ohgosh1428

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

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By Angie - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

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By jj - Australia - Windermere Park

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

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By Chey - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7903958 - Wednesday 6 May 2020 18:16

She sounds stupid, so discussing such matters with her would be a waste of time anyways.

Talk to a professional and look for support groups for stroke victims and their families.

By Cowgirl1293 | 24

#7904145 - Thursday 7 May 2020 8:38

Oh I would get extremely petty with her. I would then call her every day to every other day, stating that you need to discuss your father's behaviors and problems with her.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7903958 - Wednesday 6 May 2020 18:16

She sounds stupid, so discussing such matters with her would be a waste of time anyways.

Talk to a professional and look for support groups for stroke victims and their families.

By Cowgirl1293 | 24

#7904145 - Thursday 7 May 2020 8:38

Oh I would get extremely petty with her. I would then call her every day to every other day, stating that you need to discuss your father's behaviors and problems with her.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7904350 - Friday 8 May 2020 1:15

When this lockdown is over, go over to her house, and deck her. Give her a real reason to cry.