Work: Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class,... - FML

By thissucks - 14/09/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 466

You deserved it 67 816

Late term

Your cooking, dude

Assumptions part 27674

OK Boomer

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 10:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my dad said to me, "This millenial idea that you can be happy in life is so wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 164

A Different Kind of Tension

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 527

By starstruck - 20/11/2009 09:36 - France

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 335

You deserved it 17 981

By leprechaun23 - 23/04/2012 04:21 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 230

You deserved it 4 296

By ChestExploding - 20/11/2013 23:53 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 003

You deserved it 3 250

By fieldmarshalclitter - 01/12/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 963

You deserved it 28 419

You, you, you…

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 14:30 - India - Thane

Today, I sat through all 3 rounds of interviews for a job along with 14 others. It's assumed that if you reached the third round the job is guaranteed, but it turns out that's not the case. All 14 others were selected. Not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 83

Bored

By V.. - 08/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 338

Shorty-Greasy Spot-Spot

By GreaseNose - 25/09/2019 14:00

Today, while studying with the girl I like, I rested my face on my book, pretending to be frustrated. When I lifted my head, I realized I'd left a greasy spot on the page from my nose. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 520

By facepalm - 14/06/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 927

You deserved it 35 706

By fml - 12/08/2011 06:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 746

You deserved it 30 449

By Kevin - 10/03/2010 08:39 - Canada

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 361

You deserved it 2 784

By Samuel - 21/05/2010 19:12 - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 267

You deserved it 3 981

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 4 505

By werewolfoflondon - 03/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 527

You deserved it 2 870

Lost

By James - 12/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 1 568

By Anonymous - 10/06/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 306

You deserved it 50 176

By Unlucky - 18/10/2018 23:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 320

By Sissy - 06/12/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 173

You deserved it 3 325

By Anonymous - 14/12/2016 12:06

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 746

You deserved it 1 036

By Anonymous - 15/06/2011 13:37 - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 084

You deserved it 3 288

By Noname - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 817

You deserved it 48 530

Amazon Prime

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 00:01

Today, I was expecting two packages containing tools, but only one arrived. Interestingly, it was NOT the one where I had paid extra – for the first time ever – to guarantee delivery today. Now I have a set of bits and no ratchet to turn them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 62

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Lennie Mcfish - 09/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 384

Priorities

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 05:02

Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 227

By anon - 19/01/2015 05:35 - United States - Burleson

Spicy

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 370

You deserved it 6 511

By Bonecrusher - 27/03/2015 22:50 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 362

You deserved it 5 311

Gifts for the whole family

By don’tletthembite - 04/05/2020 02:00

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 115

Empathy Man

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 298

By tylah - 23/06/2012 15:11 - United States - Piscataway

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 149

You deserved it 3 011

By too tight - 15/02/2012 11:26 - United States

Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 244

You deserved it 14 008

By StrawHatBill - 13/02/2015 14:54 - United States

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 8 343

By itendstonight - 09/08/2009 12:42 - Ireland

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 941

You deserved it 4 364

By filipkm - 06/05/2016 14:37 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 367

You deserved it 2 779

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 11:02 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 96

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 761

You deserved it 59 844

By pray for me - 15/08/2019 04:00

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 313

By Mel - 05/10/2015 04:21 - France - Toulouse

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 184

You deserved it 2 673

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 36 139

By blaise - 13/04/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 236

You deserved it 13 326

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Top comments

Flamersplamer 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:36

Fake, 3 page essay vs a brainstorming paper by the non plural one page, there is no way you would be able to not notice you have three pages instead of one.

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Monday 14 September 2009 9:46

Word-processors FOR THE WIN BABY!

Comments

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Monday 14 September 2009 9:46

Word-processors FOR THE WIN BABY!

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Monday 14 September 2009 15:46

What's a "win baby"? I want one! (Seems someone is too dependent on grammar check.)

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Monday 14 September 2009 22:32

What's a grammar nazi? Oh wait you are!!!

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Tuesday 15 September 2009 1:07

breeskwaird youre a fucking douchebag

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 10:04

FYL for trying to use win as an adjective.

wowthatshorrible_fml 0

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 6:22

why? why do you do this?

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Monday 13 December 2010 23:53

Fail, that's why you have to type it out on the computer

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Tuesday 31 January 2012 6:54

Chuck Norris would have eaten the pieces and shit out a better one

itssnotfunny 24

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Saturday 23 July 2016 6:37

98, not all tests are allowed to be typed. The finals essays at my school have to be handled written.

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Monday 14 September 2009 9:48

LOL noon

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Monday 14 September 2009 9:50

you should really notice what you rip up next time lol ^_^

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 10:44

connect the puzzle!

drethewetback 0

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Tuesday 3 July 2012 9:38

You don't say..

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Monday 14 September 2009 9:54

Didn't you save it on ur computer? I'm sorry, by YDI for not double checking!

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Monday 14 September 2009 9:56

YDI for ripping it up. Yes FYL now go make me a sandwich

greenbiscuits 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 11:51

who said he typed it?

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Monday 14 September 2009 18:16

How the hell can you not type a 3 page essay? :-P Oh well, maybe the OP will do it in the future. In that case he only has to use the 'Print' button again. ;) Anyway, the OP deserves a YDI. Another one who doesn't look what he's actually doing...

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Tuesday 15 September 2009 4:50

YDI for hand writing your paper, then ripping up paper from your desk, which was stupid whether you checked or not.

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Tuesday 15 September 2009 10:32

At first I was so confused from this FML because I haven't written out a final draft of my paper in about 12 years. At first I was like wtf, she can just print out a new one no biggie. Then, I thought about it more and realized the person had hand-written their final draft. YDI for not typing it on the computer dude, digital copies are so much better.

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:06

Just write it again.

PsYcHoSOADLaDy 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:12

Should Have Been Paying Attention....

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Thursday 31 May 2012 20:21

Should Stop Capitalizing Every First Letter Of A Word.... No, seriously. Stop. (I sound like a bitch.)

youEQUALtosser 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:17

And...? You have it all written down. Won't kill you to rewrite three pages.

englishmuffin 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:20

Did you hand write the whole thing or something? You make it sound as if you can't just hit "Print" again.

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:21

IDIOT

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Monday 14 September 2009 10:54

Why? Is handwriting your work very uncommon?

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Monday 14 September 2009 13:52

>_> It is when it's an essay. Most teachers nowadays DEMAND your essays to be done on the computer.

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:14

I had a teacher last year who wouldn't accept any writing assignments written by hand, they all had to be typed. Size 12, Arial, double-spaced. Needless to say, I failed.

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:52

Yeah, I stopped being allowed to handwrite things in middle school...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 14

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 53

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 251