Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML
Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML
Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML
Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML
Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML
Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML
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Top comments
ambeerr 14
either a) talk to him and tell him to stop or b) break his bedroom door off its hinges and see what he does.
The_25th_Baam 3
I would probably put spoiled food in there, let him learn OP!
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Comments (86)
melana09 19
Well since laxatives were already mentioned; make some extremely spicy food to go with it. Make it burn when it exits
PhoenixChick 26
If your parents are totally cool with him stealing your stuff AND breaking it, I'd suggest not only stealing/breaking his stuff but stealing/breaking theirs and blaming it on brother.
phew_fml 21
I suggest you break your brothers hands off... I mean: just have him pay for a new fridge.
YourOpinionSucks 22
Someone's an only child.
andrmac 25
1. Cat/dog food sandwich 2. Dog shit pie 3. Piss lemonade 4. Spit in everything
tbro47 23
Time to spike the food with some ex lax but still leave the chains on the fridge to give him a false sense of security. That way he'll be less likely to be suspicious of retribution under the assumption that "who would go through that much trouble to protect ex lax spiked food?"
Lizzy500 16
Time to break out the ex-lax and ghost peppers
feldire 14
Sounds like he's an idiot. Your fridge is now broken and he can't steal food anymore because you can't store it he, literally did nothing but take the privilege away from you only
rita91 5
Next time fill a syringe with visine drops and taint one of the foods, guarantee he doesn't raid your fridge abymore
sloog23 8
Am I the only one who's shocked he even has a personal mini-fridge?