Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML
Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML
Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML
Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML
Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML
Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML
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Top comments
ambeerr 14
either a) talk to him and tell him to stop or b) break his bedroom door off its hinges and see what he does.
The_25th_Baam 3
I would probably put spoiled food in there, let him learn OP!
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Comments (86)
ThrottleJockey 36
I second the motion for laxative brownies. Then take all of the toilet paper and towels out of the bathroom, drizzle super glue on the toilet seat, and Saran wrap the top of the toilet bowl.
sailorarctic 22
so nice of you to drop by Satan
ThrottleJockey 36
There are four things of a man with which you should never mess: his food, his car, his mother, or his significant other. Should you fail to heed this warning you will suffer the consequences.
Doctor_HooLock 10
Put a chocolate milk shake in there, but put laxatives in it.
spirithound 13
cut off his pinkie!
yakkady 8
People who keep food away (or "private") from family members are scum.
InfiniteSunshine 32
They're really not, unless you're a parent, if it's their food and they paid for it, and don't want anyone else to over indulge in it, then it's perfectly fine to keep it to themselves. I used to hide food in my room from my sister so I wouldn't come home to it completely gone and I got none. I also used to hide my bags of chips from my dad because he has self control issues with them and he'd literally eat the whole bag on me every time if I put it in our pantry.
GeeThatSucks 9
You're one of those dicks that steals your room mate's food. P.S. they hate you.
BananEnigma 24
Don't be entitled. They bought it, it's their damn food, not yours.
namiika 6
Not everyone can afford to have enough to share. I had my own junk food stash when I was a teen. If I didn't buy it for myself I wouldn't have had it, and I only made $20 or so a week babysitting, so didn't really have enough to share. OP needs to fix some brownies with actual dirt and tiny gravel in them. I'm the type of person who would dump open food all over your bare mattress and put the sheets and covers back on. Have fun laying on that. Smear mustard and mayo, throw some pickles on, etc.
maximillion99 2
If I don't hide my food or drinks, my brother will either A: eat it all or B: hide it from me. I work and buy my own snacks and drinks and if I don't want someone to touch it I'm entitled to hide it so no one can take it.
species4872 20
It's a shame you couldn't hide exploding dye packs in the food. That would have fixed him.
LyricaSilvan 30
Imagine where he'd be in life if he applied that much effort into being productive.
GeeThatSucks 9
A lot of laxative comments here. Keep things original guys.
r83839 22
A comment complaining about the other comments without adding any useful advice itself? You must feel very original.
GeeThatSucks 9
I am so sorry to have offended you with my words. That I had thought I could speak to my community. Lo that I should look upon any texts and decipher commonality among the phrases. For to remark upon a burgeoning similarity in the voices is to sin. Please forgive my trespass against the sincerities of which your own comment resides. True, it will be that my own indiscretion shall forever haunt and terrify my every consequent action and I in this moment must contemplate a life burdened by the guilt of what I have done. You may think me weaker as one who would forfeit life when faced upon the visions of Hell. A hell known to me as the reflection of my own life. Truly in this moment of Revelation I do see myself in the reflection of calm waters. My inner beast surfaced in my comment and you alone have chosen to champion it. My Savior. My redeemer. I thank you for salvaging my life and building me up new with no crack in my hide save the stitching of where you mended.
JBChristian 47
#45, I love it ?
bosniangirl27 21
Put something nasty into your food and he might learn his lesson
Binglebeee 16
Put his favourite food in there but lace it with laxatives. If he doesn't learn respect or boundaries after that then he's probably beyond help
Geckosrock99 33
Wow, what an asshole! If my brother stole out of my personal fridge, I'd tell him off. The second time, I would punch him. Make him understand I'm not putting up with his bullshit. Stealing is wrong, stealing from family/friends is ****** up. You should've put him in his place a long time ago. Hopefully you can fix this mess. Force him to replace your fridge, then give him the one he broke since he wanted it so badly.