Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML
Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML
Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML
Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML
Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML
Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML
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Top comments
ambeerr 14
either a) talk to him and tell him to stop or b) break his bedroom door off its hinges and see what he does.
The_25th_Baam 3
I would probably put spoiled food in there, let him learn OP!
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Comments (86)
juuuliaaa_fml 28
Geez. Why does he have to be such a jerk.
Arot6 17
This is when you start spiking the food in your fridge with laxatives and muscle relaxers.
JBChristian 47
This one needs to go to the top ?
techchef 6
exlax...put it in the food he keeps stealing
jennrotten 12
Well, it is destruction of property and theft (assuming this isn't food your parents bought for both of you, or a fridge they purchased and don't care about him destroying).
19foxy81 8
What a dick move on his part!
EvilLittleMan 23
I would make a delicious plate of chunky, chocolate brownies lace with a double dose of ExLax.
Catdragon 40
Break some of his shit and steal some of his things to see how he likes it. Alternatively, you could spike the food with something and kill him.
Sparx1_1 16
Maybe you should have a talk with your parents about actually parenting/disciplining your brother. No one should have to keep their own stash of food let alone having to buy their own fridge to put it in.
Notesz_b 13
Unless he's literally starving, there's no excuse for this.
ThrottleJockey 36
Put a pan of fresh baked brownies made with laxatives in there. I imagine the thefts will cease after that.