Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been messaging younger girls on Tinder and trying to meet up. I asked him why he would do such a thing when we have a healthy sex life. His response was ,“They’re just hotter, just like that senior football player you cheated on me with in sophomore year high school.” We’re 40 now. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML
Today, I thought I’d get revenge on my cheating husband by seducing the woman he’s been seeing behind my back. Unfortunately, even though I’ve never been attracted to women, I’ve inexplicably fallen head over heels in love with her. What now? FML
Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
"Still a better love story than twilight" comments are coming.
tinysocks 11
That's never a nice place to find yourself, good luck man...
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Comments (87)
Zoey5683 17
I feel bad for you...
PerdueManOHyrule 2
...but it would be pennsylvAniA
daemonsparta 16
so yoy got terrible advice then
DiamondGirl18 12
You know Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with her director.... Don't look for marriage advice there!