Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been messaging younger girls on Tinder and trying to meet up. I asked him why he would do such a thing when we have a healthy sex life. His response was ,“They’re just hotter, just like that senior football player you cheated on me with in sophomore year high school.” We’re 40 now. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML
Today, I thought I’d get revenge on my cheating husband by seducing the woman he’s been seeing behind my back. Unfortunately, even though I’ve never been attracted to women, I’ve inexplicably fallen head over heels in love with her. What now? FML
Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Pleonasm 36
"Still a better love story than twilight" comments are coming.
tinysocks 11
That's never a nice place to find yourself, good luck man...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
starshine12 1
You and me both my friend..
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
Next thing is you'll find yourself standing over her bed, quietly watching her as she sleeps...
lmbachman 23
When you go through something like that, you'll look for support wherever you can find it. It takes more energy to fall down and have to get back up. No one got stronger by never falling.
shakespearelove 6
nono, not vampire-obsessed tweens. sparkling vampire-obsessed tweens. xd
Ewwe91 7
hey the Twilight books aren't that bad! The movie and those actors however, are..
LexieWins 0
I hate when people get all Dr. Phil with the advice. -_-
AJE98 5
I ******* hate the word tween!
escobar07 10
Listen to tom leykis online. It'll help you grow your balls back. I'm serious
JustTemporary 24
Fairy* it's a common mistake
gharkun 11
Have a look at a book called Intimacy and Desire, I was really impressed at the approach it takes.