Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
capnbzarr 43
I think this is your cue to break up with the crazy alcoholic.
coducks 5
Call a cab?
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Comments (59)
bandofsand 10
Should have stayed. In a few minutes, she probably would have forgotten that she kicked you out.
FuzzyJack 15
Even if it was your puke, it's stupid of her to kick you out... What if it was a different situation where you were sick and puked, would she also put your ass on the street? I would probably break up if she acts like that, even if she's drunk.
Bblock 5
You know how to pick em
ManInTheMachine 20
GF:"You bastard! Why would you throw up on my carpet?" OP:"What?" GF:"You threw up on my--" OP:"Someone threw up on your carpet? Well hurry up and call the cops, they probably stole something before they left!" GF:"Wha--yeah, you're right! Where's my phone?" That's how you get it done, OP.
unknown_user5566 27
This was definitely messed up on your girlfriend's part, but it makes me wonder why you made no attempt to clean up the puke? I get the aspect of "whoever does the puking should clean it up", but if she's THAT intoxicated, maybe it would've been a good idea to lend a helping hand (if only to get rid of the sight/smell).
SoylentCandycorn 10
Would you be in a frantic rush to clean up someone else's puke? Just because he didn't rush to the cupboard to get cleaning supplies and a flowery apron like Brock from Pokemon doesn't mean he had absolutely no intention of cleaning up his girlfriend's spew.
unknown_user5566 27
80- What does a flowery apron and pokemon have to do with anything? If my husband (or a friend, for that matter) was so intoxicated that he couldn't make it to the bathroom to puke, I'd definitely clean it up right away. Why would you let it just sit there? That's gross.
raycj 1
You're so annoying!!!
SoylentCandycorn 10
Someone missed the point.
xica_sp4ever 18
Wow, you guys must be great partners. My bf would’ve definitely helped me out.
drewflav 17
If anyone made me walk three hours home at that time of the night in the middle of November for something which wasn't my fault I'd dump their ass! I've been in a similar situation in the past year, except that the "friend" managed to get my car towed. Same distance across the worst area of town. Freezing cold, dead cellphone, and not dressed well enough. Pure misery. FYL OP!!!
BubbleGrunge 18
Since when is puking a reason to kick someone out at 3am anyway?
inkracer 6
A good boyfriend cleans up the puke for the girlfriend.
ratatat234 4
Wtf? Girls expect way too much
melody309 35
A good girlfriend cleans up the puke for her boyfriend. Do guys expect way too much?
kemnet 7
You're nice enought to clean her vomit...and she kicks you out if you vomit...yea...u dont deserve her bro
jeebuslovesyou 2
So much about your comment is wrong.
FML_Whale 18
He didn't clean up her vomit. Please reread the FML before commenting.
angebotsicle 2
sounds like a close, solid relationship..........your girlfriend is a ******* idiot.