Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
capnbzarr 43
I think this is your cue to break up with the crazy alcoholic.
coducks 5
Call a cab?
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Comments (59)
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
I've always cleaned up my girlfriends puke. Mainly because puke doesn't bother me in the least but also because I learned very quickly you do not piss off your drunk or sick girlfriend by not cleaning up the mess. It's not worth the drunken screaming match at 3 a.m.
SoylentCandycorn 10
So... you should automatically clean up your girlfriend's puke so she doesn't start screaming at you for not cleaning up her puke the second it splats on the floor? I'm pretty sure if the genders were reversed, everyone would be screaming "Ditch the douchebag! Let him clean his own vomit!"
culito_fml 10
Crazy ass demented girlfriend of yours o.0
winkydog4056 16
Maybe next time you'll find a chica with the maturity to handle her alcohol. As long as you're with this one, perhaps you shouldn't go home with her after a night of drinking......
milmac 9
YDI. A gentleman would have cleaned up the floor while she was cleaning herself up, or helped her clean herself up. You didn't do either one.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Exactly. It would be nice if he had done that, but just because he didn't leap at the chance to deal with his girlfriend's evacuated stomach contents doesn't make it a YDI. I doubt if it was a girl complaining about her boyfriend kicking her out at 4 in the morning for not cleaning up puke, people would be telling her "YDI for not being a good little girlfriend and mopping up his puke."
wvcheesehead 13
Clubbing just sounds like the method a caveman used to get a wife. Oh how far we have progressed.
Quidikic 9
No Mr. Penguin, laugh at the Spongebob joke then return to OP's side.
watsonpsykosis 10
That's why I don't drink. Plus, I don't get the point of getting drunk.
FrenchieDevil_fml 1
that really sucks!
chinagirl3343 8
Think you need a new girlfriend...
nickolascronk 3
Time to ditch that bitch.