Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Today, I warned my new boyfriend not to approach my ferret, as he is still quite young and bites when he plays. He ignored me completely because “animals love him”, and when my ferret latched onto his finger, he threw him across the room. Now I can’t find him anywhere in the house. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML
Today, I rushed to a job interview, but my cat rubbed against me, covering my suit in fur. I grabbed a lint roller, tripped over the cat, and knocked out a front tooth. I showed up sweaty, disheveled, and missing a tooth. I didn’t get the job. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
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Top comments
Mama_Umbridge 8
With your fancy new ferret earring?
yahoowizard 16
That's one way to shoplift
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Comments (89)
DontForgetMe4 0
Am I the only person that thinks ferrets are creepy? I saw this one special where a ferret ate parts of a baby's face because it smelled like milk... The girl was left deformed.*shudder*
SaturnV 25
I saw that too, but was wary of ferrets before that.
samsam23t 8
most of the ferrets that do that type of stuff was because the ferret was abused by starvation or other means . in general ferrets are nice animals. however like a puppy that doesn't know it's own strength it needs to be trained to not nip and be handled I'm pretty sure pet store ferrets are handled but it saw some thing it could play with and bit it . it's good to know on a ferret there's a "release button" between the neck and shoulder blades where if you grab it there it will cause it to yawn and therefore release.
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
Look at the bright side, if you didn't catch the employers attention you sure caught the ferret's! (;
socalgrl23711 0
Um...what??
sweetdreams20 0
Stop ferreting around.... What?
iggz 0
Well, you clearly have animal skills!
redbluegreen 41
Sounds like you're not going to get the job.
sabb1228 0
Aww it likes you.
mrosew442 10
Kinda like how that fire in your profile pic likes your jeans?
mileena 7
I much prefer ferret nipple rings but whatever.
toolshed24 0
I used to have a pet ferret. She did the same to me. Twice! They love ears; especially if they have earrings in them.
DocBastard 40
Ferrets are rats' slightly cuter but much nastier cousins. Rats, of course, do not acknowledge the kinship, the ferrets aren't invited to family reunions, they always ruin Thanksgiving, get drunk at family weddings, etc etc.
RhymeTyme 3
You sir are wrong about that Ferrets are directly related to cats
DocBastard 40
And you, sir A) can't recognise a ******* obvious joke and B) are completely wrong. They are related to weasels and skunks. Will there be anything else?
RhymeTyme 3
I don't mean to break character but they are in the same family. And you can't obviously recognize a joke douche
randomhangul 4
if I could direct you to his name sir, I'd say that a snappy response should have been expected.
Anorien 0
Ferrets are part of the weasel family, they aren't rodents.