Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Today, I warned my new boyfriend not to approach my ferret, as he is still quite young and bites when he plays. He ignored me completely because “animals love him”, and when my ferret latched onto his finger, he threw him across the room. Now I can’t find him anywhere in the house. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML
Today, I rushed to a job interview, but my cat rubbed against me, covering my suit in fur. I grabbed a lint roller, tripped over the cat, and knocked out a front tooth. I showed up sweaty, disheveled, and missing a tooth. I didn’t get the job. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
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Top comments
Mama_Umbridge 8
With your fancy new ferret earring?
yahoowizard 16
That's one way to shoplift
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Comments (89)
j3ebrules 13
Wait, so you stole the nasty ferret?
clanon 4
Walked out... In style!
JayJavaMonsterr 10
Swag ;)
coppertop1115 0
Your comment :
Azhari 4
Yeah, never let any animal near your face. Ferrets tend to nip until they are taught not to. They are only exposed to litter mates whose skin is much thicker than ours so they don't realize that their bites actually hurt us. I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience. Ferrets are really quite adorable, friendly pets.
soldiat_fml 17
Well, that was anticlimatic.