Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there...

By Kidsthesedays - 9/11/2015 19:33 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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Kids

Understandable

Call CPS!

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By cuppycakeslove - 7/12/2011 11:35 - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

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By smh - 13/5/2012 22:30 - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

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By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

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By duped - 29/10/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

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By buttercup92 - 31/5/2016 03:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

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By mandy - 23/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

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By vicgal - 14/8/2009 18:33 - Canada

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2012 03:24 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 20:56 - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

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By Bugga2018 - 22/5/2016 23:52 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

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By dman92 - 9/4/2017 14:24

Run Away

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

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By speechless - 1/6/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2019 12:00

Today, I asked my mom if she'd seen my financial calculator on my way out to an exam. She told me she'd tossed it in the donation pile that she'd taken to the Salvation Army this morning because it was "clutter." I needed it to take the exam, which is required to pass the class, to graduate next month. The only place to buy a replacement was closed. FML

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By monochromatic - 20/2/2010 03:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2013 16:49 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

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By poormanslucyliu1 - 7/11/2016 02:28

Today, I had to teach my 13-year-old sister that sugar and salt don't, "cancel each other out to make the taste neutral". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

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By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

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By c-mack - 8/9/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

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By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

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By MouserMan - 22/10/2014 14:47 - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

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By gassy - 12/2/2013 14:18 - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

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By gabby - 16/6/2012 20:36 - United States

Today, I'm driving cross-country with my parents. As if the stifling heat isn't bad enough, they keep stopping to admire, comment on, and practically do a photoshoot in every corn field we pass. FML

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By forreal - 23/8/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML

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By Brittany - 3/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

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By oh dear - 25/10/2009 09:06 - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

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By LeChameauTrisomique - 14/3/2014 04:33 - France - Saint-germain-de-la-grange

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

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By JohnBlack - 12/6/2012 03:56 - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

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By onlyme123 - 27/6/2018 15:00

Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML

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By divorced - 19/8/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

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By watchmaker - 16/12/2009 09:37 - United Kingdom

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I decided to head out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2013 04:12 - United States

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

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By ManchotDesAndes - 26/2/2015 07:35 - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

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By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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By Cake Dreams - 8/10/2018 22:15

Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML

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By merse - 18/2/2010 13:20 - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

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By kaitiem224 - 22/10/2015 02:52 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2012 18:05 - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class, when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

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Top comments

By WinterChild | 20

#6457853 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:06

Okay Carrie

By betweenwinds | 18

#6457851 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:05

They were right. That's certainly something.

Comments

By FilipinoDude9 | 16

#6457849 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:04

Oh my.

By wildnargles | 15

#6457850 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:05

That's..... creative

By betweenwinds | 18

#6457851 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:05

They were right. That's certainly something.

By CAC_Boomerang | 24

#6457852 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:06

Well...

That's just bloody brilliant.

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6457950 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 12:21

I choked on my soda because of your comment. Jesus...

By WinterChild | 20

#6457853 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:06

Okay Carrie

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6458051 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 15:33

I'm reading that boom right now! I've got to say it's quite weird but very interesting.

gogo44444 | 28

#6458331 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 23:19

#34 I don't think you can read an explosion

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6458627 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 6:45

Lol, don't you just love keyboards? Book*

gogo44444 | 28

#6459127 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 22:50

Ok there was a comment and I replied to what you see on top but then the person deleted their comment so ignore it!

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6463388 - Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:26

You're welcome

By Mackade | 18

#6457854 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:07

Why are some people so gross?

By bianca131 | 16

#6457855 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:08

That's just wrong.. ahaha..

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6457857 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:12

What kind of sick fuck of a child would do that...

By GAeroNKissR | 26

#6457860 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:15

let's just hope that's all it was...

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6457863 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:20

"That's all it was?" What could be added to that to make it worse?

chinaski7628 | 32

#6457865 - Tuesday 10 November 2015 8:28

I had an unknown student take a shit outside my classroom door once. Never found the culprit, but something tells me I was not that kid's favorite teacher....