Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was carjacked. As he shoved me away from my car, I got hit by another car. He and the other car both drove off. FML
Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML
Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness, as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML
Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML
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Top comments
lexiieeex3 32
There are some really shitty people in this world OP. I am truly sorry you had to experience this asshole.
Dreamsorrow93 24
This is why I carry a gun.
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Comments (102)
Leeta89 0
Get yourself a gun!
otecasacid 22
How do some people vote you deserved it? Literally there is no way you could for this fml Consider concealed carry OP?
SorryNotSorryyy 13
Locking your car doors
drugsRfun 13
This happened to me last night! I live in sf, and I'm walking to my car which the closest parking I could find was about three blocks away, three guys started following me, commenting on how small I am and saying lets do it and this is like at 2:30 a.m! So ran to my car and jumped in, started her up, and the three guys surrounded my car as I'm trying to squeeze out of my parking spot, demanding that I pull over to the curb immediately. Thank god bmws automatically lock as soon as they are put into drive, because they tried to open the doors, and I just drove off not even trying to avoid hitting any of them and ran the red light to get as far away as quickly as I possibly could.
HeroSpence 7
Just think that's more charges for him and more time in prison.
arcanesentry 14
I bet that really ground his gears.
exuberant_orange 17
That's crazy! I live in FL and my car was broken into last night! There was a group of people breaking in to cars and stealing things around my neighborhood. Fortunately I had a crappy car with nothing valuable in it. Sorry OP! Hope you recover quickly.
LyricaSilvan 30
Sorry to hear you got hurt. That joke was kind of in bad taste, though.
nighthawk91 10
Manual ftw!!
Kramer1998 20
I'd like to imagine if you were dikembe motombo, he'd try and punch you and you'd be like no no no, not in my house
WhoDatNO 8
I didn't know Rihanna could drive stick