Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the...

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

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Love

Rich people problems

Business savvy

What did I do?

By honey soy - 29/1/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

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By missingphoneproblems - 22/7/2012 05:04 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

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By scalmon - 13/5/2011 17:08 - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

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By justmyluck - 26/8/2011 05:28 - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

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By jules - 17/4/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

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By LightsOut - 3/5/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

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By Sunny - 12/9/2018 07:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Awkward...

Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML

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By Joplin - 13/9/2010 19:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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By BarCrush - 22/2/2018 19:00

"friend"

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

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By Smiley - 31/12/2016 14:33 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 04:02 - United States - Akron

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

Today, after a year and a half, I finally cut things off with my ex completely because I was starting to have feelings for someone else. Right after I cut my ex off, the other girl that I liked cut things off with me, and threw my ass in the friendzone. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2018 15:00

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

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By desigirl - 10/11/2015 01:03 - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2016 06:40 - United States - Huntsville

Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML

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By asdfghjkl - 7/4/2018 19:00

Today, it took me four tries to find the right position to swipe my debit card. My mom screamed "Oh, for God's sake, why don't you ever get it right the FIRST time?" She then apologized to the cashier for having "such a stupid child". FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 05:37 - United States - Mariposa

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

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By anonymous - 18/9/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

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By Lifes_a_bust - 8/8/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 11:51 - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

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By :/ - 12/3/2016 11:36 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

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By Zahkrii - 26/12/2018 16:00

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By GiantsFan13 - 23/7/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

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By McChunky =( - 9/3/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

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By ahdeadcats - 31/8/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

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By tima - 27/6/2018 01:30

* backs away slowly *

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

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By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

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By Akestarr - 2/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

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By jumanji - 23/3/2015 23:19

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2018 01:30

Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML

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By -1 friend - 17/5/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 18:09 - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

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By Heyme - 9/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

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By Suomynona - 12/7/2013 20:40 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By momlife - 28/3/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

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By jocksblow - 14/11/2011 13:23 - United States

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

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By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

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By ellarose - 10/4/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2016 14:10

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

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Top comments

By yewzd | 0

#1705209 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:53

Why the hell he's ranking people? I would keep the rankings to myself..

By KennKenn | 0

#1705225 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:54

He's obviously a douche. Don't listen to him

COMMENTS

By Mpsteve13 | 7

#1705173 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:50

drop your pants

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1705371 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:11

lift your top

KittehSayzRAWR | 0

#1705440 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:21

Open your flaps.... hehe

wisericky | 12

#1705763 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:43

stop talking so much

Bisoye | 0

#1705823 - Monday 15 November 2010 18:07

Looool!!
Xactly Lmao!

IcyJack | 7

#1705927 - Monday 15 November 2010 19:09

Put down your landing gear. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

MasterOfTheXP | 2

#1706215 - Monday 15 November 2010 20:34

"I got a ring in 'ere last night!"

zoraman5 | 3

#1706309 - Monday 15 November 2010 21:06

36 vent harrassment?

notsoluckypup | 12

#1706740 - Monday 15 November 2010 23:40

I have no clue...I think swallowing is nasty personally....

Ben360 | 6

#1708422 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:06

well then don't be such a bitch

By evanizle | 0

#1705182 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:51

lol. for dating, personality is important. maybe you'd be first in order of who he'd want to hook up with

Bees_fml | 0

#1705691 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:16

So either she's an attractive girl with an ugly personality or an ugly girl with an attractive personality. I'm curious which one; the FML doesn't say.

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#1709982 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:21

only beauty matters when it comes to women so 6th was probably last place.

bees, seemed pretty clear the guy indirectly called her monstrous cow

By yewzd | 0

#1705209 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:53

Why the hell he's ranking people? I would keep the rankings to myself..

hellokat1 | 0

#1708371 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 6:47

He probably thinks he's hot shit or something.

GreatGeak | 8

#1719124 - Thursday 18 November 2010 15:17

omg coolest profile pic ever!
I love Harley Quinn.

By KennKenn | 0

#1705225 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:54

He's obviously a douche. Don't listen to him

SARSvirus79 | 0

#1705301 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:03

Agreed.

By SARSvirus79 | 0

#1705341 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:07

Well, how many girls do you work with?

valalvax | 13

#1705735 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:32

only three, there are two guys ranked above her

TexanDanny | 2

#1706423 - Monday 15 November 2010 22:00

LOL

By antoinemartinez | 0

#1705411 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:17

stop being such a bitch

541MedfazWcM | 0

#1708500 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:34

Deadmau5 lol ^^ this is sick

By DjeePee | 24

#1705463 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:27

Well... he is right.

By UnicornsDoExist | 0

#1705465 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:27

I wouldn't want to be first if he's gonna be like that.

nkor1337 | 1

#1708543 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:48

don't worry, you wouldn't be first on anybodys list.

Taylo12237 | 5

#3149487 - Sunday 21 August 2011 1:44

Dick^

By Alleged_Cranium | 7

#1705467 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:28

That remind me of the old joke:

Q: What's better than a 10?

A: A 6 that swallows!

With the advice of this joke, you might move your way up the list.

jbsington | 8

#1706637 - Monday 15 November 2010 23:15

why do guys WANT the girl to swallow? please tell me, I'm dying to know, what's so undeniably sexy about a girl ingesting your bodily fluids?

By Snarky50 | 0

#1705524 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:36

Did you tell him he's last on your list, for the same reason?