Love: Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

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Love

Strawberry surprise

Cartoon villain

Slasher

By imgoingtofreakout

Cheers

Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML

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5381

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627

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By youshitme - Australia

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

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36217

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By dangyo - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

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23321

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

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38192

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By Julie - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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123137

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

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55780

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By ummno - United States

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

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42393

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

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69500

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By shaviTuT - Malaysia - Bandar Penggaram

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

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34344

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By MereLewis95 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

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28375

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

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49543

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By zaneey - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

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7650

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By applegreen - Ireland - Limerick

Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6495

You deserved it

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By syn1734 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

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46047

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By figures - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

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19366

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By dwek - United Kingdom

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18845

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By Frouse

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

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672

You deserved it

2513

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By Anonymous - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46443

You deserved it

5986

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By mcdonalds - United States

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61112

You deserved it

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By driven_crazy - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31812

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7939

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By DeadlyKitten - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat followed me into the bathroom. While I was showering, he knocked over the storage shelf behind the toilet. The shelf was the perfect length to wedge the shower door completely closed. No one was home so I had to climb over my tall shower door all slippery and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7063

You deserved it

694

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By anon13 - United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

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21512

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By what people do for money - United States - Houston

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

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50704

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19907

You deserved it

44211

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By Peekaman - United States

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

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20968

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

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15804

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By pzy

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

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9711

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By krissy - United States

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

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34765

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Slumming it

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

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1790

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By dearprudence89 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

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24531

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By nerderer - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

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26793

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By CaptainStars - 29/6/2020 20:01

Bureaucracy

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1702

You deserved it

108

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By Anonymous - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

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6649

You deserved it

566

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By The Towel Molester - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

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28324

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By Gimmie a spare - United States - Memphis

Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18650

You deserved it

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By Recovering Alcoholic - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29413

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12714

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39919

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79774

You deserved it

11760

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By nekogirl15 - United States

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30083

You deserved it

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By floppy - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

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1651

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Top comments

By yewzd | 0

#1705209 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:53

Why the hell he's ranking people? I would keep the rankings to myself..

By KennKenn | 0

#1705225 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:54

He's obviously a douche. Don't listen to him

COMMENTS

By Mpsteve13 | 7

#1705173 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:50

drop your pants

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1705371 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:11

lift your top

KittehSayzRAWR | 0

#1705440 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:21

Open your flaps.... hehe

wisericky | 12

#1705763 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:43

stop talking so much

Bisoye | 0

#1705823 - Monday 15 November 2010 18:07

Looool!!
Xactly Lmao!

IcyJack | 7

#1705927 - Monday 15 November 2010 19:09

Put down your landing gear. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

MasterOfTheXP | 2

#1706215 - Monday 15 November 2010 20:34

"I got a ring in 'ere last night!"

zoraman5 | 3

#1706309 - Monday 15 November 2010 21:06

36 vent harrassment?

notsoluckypup | 12

#1706740 - Monday 15 November 2010 23:40

I have no clue...I think swallowing is nasty personally....

Ben360 | 6

#1708422 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:06

well then don't be such a bitch

By evanizle | 0

#1705182 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:51

lol. for dating, personality is important. maybe you'd be first in order of who he'd want to hook up with

Bees_fml | 0

#1705691 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:16

So either she's an attractive girl with an ugly personality or an ugly girl with an attractive personality. I'm curious which one; the FML doesn't say.

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#1709982 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:21

only beauty matters when it comes to women so 6th was probably last place.

bees, seemed pretty clear the guy indirectly called her monstrous cow

By yewzd | 0

#1705209 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:53

Why the hell he's ranking people? I would keep the rankings to myself..

hellokat1 | 0

#1708371 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 6:47

He probably thinks he's hot shit or something.

GreatGeak | 8

#1719124 - Thursday 18 November 2010 15:17

omg coolest profile pic ever!
I love Harley Quinn.

By KennKenn | 0

#1705225 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:54

He's obviously a douche. Don't listen to him

SARSvirus79 | 0

#1705301 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:03

Agreed.

By SARSvirus79 | 0

#1705341 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:07

Well, how many girls do you work with?

valalvax | 13

#1705735 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:32

only three, there are two guys ranked above her

TexanDanny | 2

#1706423 - Monday 15 November 2010 22:00

LOL

By antoinemartinez | 0

#1705411 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:17

stop being such a bitch

541MedfazWcM | 0

#1708500 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:34

Deadmau5 lol ^^ this is sick

By DjeePee | 24

#1705463 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:27

Well... he is right.

By UnicornsDoExist | 0

#1705465 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:27

I wouldn't want to be first if he's gonna be like that.

nkor1337 | 1

#1708543 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:48

don't worry, you wouldn't be first on anybodys list.

Taylo12237 | 5

#3149487 - Sunday 21 August 2011 1:44

Dick^

By Alleged_Cranium | 7

#1705467 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:28

That remind me of the old joke:

Q: What's better than a 10?

A: A 6 that swallows!

With the advice of this joke, you might move your way up the list.

jbsington | 8

#1706637 - Monday 15 November 2010 23:15

why do guys WANT the girl to swallow? please tell me, I'm dying to know, what's so undeniably sexy about a girl ingesting your bodily fluids?

By Snarky50 | 0

#1705524 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:36

Did you tell him he's last on your list, for the same reason?