Love: Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked... - FML

By Anonymous - 07/03/2013 03:14 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 293

You deserved it 4 391

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Thanks for being so compassionate

By Anonymous - 20/08/2017 20:00

Today, I was told to put away the new toilet paper rolls. I reached in the package only for my hand to get wet, and then noticed the yellow liquid at the bottom. My cat used it as a litter box. At least, I hope it was my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 406

You deserved it 372

By Singleagain - 19/04/2016 12:01 - Sint Maarten (Dutch part) - Philipsburg

Spicy

Today, I learned that not texting my girlfriend for two days is considered dumping her, and is ample reason to screw other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 227

You deserved it 9 935

The cringe is real

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India

Spicy

Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 148

By LoadingMeows - 23/09/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 785

You deserved it 1 890

By fuuuudge - 19/08/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 498

You deserved it 3 714

By Oliveisthenewora - 05/04/2016 05:55 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 191

You deserved it 7 266

By wife of a shithead - 06/07/2012 17:44 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 273

You deserved it 4 742

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 2 583

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 05:44 - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 813

You deserved it 3 610

By Nasty - 30/08/2011 16:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 223

You deserved it 11 534

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 08:01 - Europe

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 2 545

By jgw - 07/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 665

You deserved it 667

By rj - 06/03/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 189

You deserved it 3 024

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 20:13 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 656

You deserved it 7 233

By Anonymous - 27/07/2013 17:51 - Finland

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 001

You deserved it 8 739

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 12:28 - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 317

You deserved it 2 739

By KidCudi227 - 19/07/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 677

You deserved it 3 376

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 06:00 - Australia - Frankston

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 284

You deserved it 490

By dazedandconfused - 25/06/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 340

You deserved it 3 802

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 13:47

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 882

You deserved it 759

By Anonymous - 08/11/2009 11:12 - Germany

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 934

You deserved it 40 445

By OUCH. - 17/11/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 498

You deserved it 3 400

By whatadisappointmnet - 05/11/2011 18:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 477

You deserved it 9 925

By Pissy pants - 24/11/2018 13:30

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 216

By PigPen - 27/09/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 119

You deserved it 10 773

By unitywoods - 27/03/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 073

You deserved it 4 834

By CaityLovesBo - 05/02/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 577

You deserved it 3 518

By Lisaa918 - 10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 123

You deserved it 6 162

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 01:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 2 523

Mistaken identity

By fmlfmlfml - 20/07/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying, "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!" He got mad and left my house. It was my dad in Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 973

You deserved it 4 892

By y00na - 17/08/2018 23:30

Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I resemble a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 1 120

By mommysgirlapparently - 29/10/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 680

You deserved it 8 028

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 20:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 180

You deserved it 9 299

Wrong end of the stick

By Matt - 03/06/2012 14:21 - Australia - Tyabb

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 768

You deserved it 3 846

By devinbyrne - 05/03/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 602

You deserved it 3 745

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 85

By kaileekat517 - 21/11/2010 18:36 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 384

You deserved it 3 466

By Anonymous - 18/04/2015 16:45 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 944

You deserved it 11 556

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 06:15 - Mozambique

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 7 171

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Top comments

tpuff 7

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:14

What a douche.

littlemonster94 15

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:16

In my head I'm imagining some guy standing in front of you with a clipboard..... "No! You will not do!" He's not worth your time...

Comments

chocolateisyum 12

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:12

Ah I'm so sorry! I'm sure you are beautiful, just try looking for another guy :/

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Thursday 7 March 2013 10:26

You don't look like a girl; you look like an angel :)

fishstick557 14

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Thursday 7 March 2013 10:46

Well that wasn't cool feel better OP you will meet someone soon and they will think you're the most beautiful girl in the world :) chin up!

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Friday 8 March 2013 1:26

Smoothhhhhh.

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Friday 8 March 2013 9:17

OP, that guy is a douche bag. You'll meet someone who will believe you're the prettiest woman on this earth, both emotionally and physically. At least you dodged a bullet with that guy.

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Friday 8 March 2013 13:46

What did Op expect trying to pick up a date at a BAR???

tpuff 7

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:14

What a douche.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:48

Yea definitely not sweet nor funny.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 10:24

Agree! I think she dodged a bullet there, this guy sounds like a giant asshole! If that's how he turned you down after just meeting you, imagine what he says when he's really pissed!

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Thursday 7 March 2013 18:02

It's not his fault she's manly

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Thursday 7 March 2013 18:19

If he's not attracted to her, there are nicer ways of handling it. Being hurtful in the process is unnecessary and cruel.

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Friday 8 March 2013 14:06

Maybe OP pressure the guy into telling her why. I'm sure a lot of FMLs are skewed from not having the full story.

Ashamed_Sister 60

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:15

Did he look like a guy?

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:32

OP said she met a guy. So yes, he must look like one.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 11:02

Maybe he just looked like a guy, but was really a girl. And maybe this girl that looks like a guy was only attracted to guys that looked like girls. Do you see where this could get confusing to a straight person who has never been in the gay/bi/trans scene very much? This is actually referring more to a previous FML where is was trying to explain that there are so many relationship mixes out there nowadays that it can get very confusing! I have a lot of lesbian friends and I drive them nuts asking them so many questions. lol Someone just please write a book about it! In OP's case I think he looked like a guy and she looked like a girl, but he was just a huge dick!

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Thursday 7 March 2013 20:01

Cocaine, but close! 0.0

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:16

You dodged a bullet there. You dont need a shallow bastard like him.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 10:34

Nor does she need an insensitive asshole for a boyfriend. He could have easily said he wasn't interested or he was taken. He didn't have to tell her she doesn't look like a girl. :(

littlemonster94 15

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:16

In my head I'm imagining some guy standing in front of you with a clipboard..... "No! You will not do!" He's not worth your time...

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:17

More makeup!

enormouselephant 15

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:25

How about less dickness on your end? Oh wait, can't subtract what's hardly there.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 10:00

Dude, that's low. It doesn't matter if you were joking, some people can take it more personally than you'd wish. OP, I bet you're beautiful. That guy was just a cum napkin.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 15:07

[email protected] Napkin.

ironichalibut 24

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:17

At least he didn't ask if you were buying tampons for your girlfriend while you were on your period?

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Friday 8 March 2013 21:55

This comment is confusing

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Sunday 10 March 2013 2:41

#81 that's from a previous fml

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:18

Let me guess... He works as a cashier?

peachesncreem 21

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:35

What's wrong with being a cashier?

peachesncreem 21

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:54

Never mind. Caught up on the last few FML's :)

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:58

Passed FML reference. Awee you, newbies and less FML addicts. :P

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:20

You must remind him of a sloth instead.

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:59

"Do you like dragons? Because I'll be dragon my balls across your face later."

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Thursday 7 March 2013 11:27

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Thursday 7 March 2013 11:32

^Dafuq?

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Thursday 7 March 2013 9:21

I'm sure he was an ass trying to be funny, don't let this bother you

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 100

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 288