Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML
Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML
Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
toxic_walrus 15
She gave you chlamydia AND has bad taste in music? You sure know how to pick em!
tj4234 36
Hey, i just ****** you. And this is crazy. I have chlamydia. So now you do maybe. Also, Sirin is the best, she's so cool. I wish she were my mum and all.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (224)
DocBastard 40
I've noticed two things with the comments here - 1) Way too many stupid "bro/bra" comments. 2) One particular moron who seems to think condoms don't protect against STDs. At times like this I wish I could reach through my phone and slap the stupid off you.
MikeyLean 8
Yeah but you got a coke bottle shoved up your ass!..
Respect101 17
I don't think you've been on FML long enough to be messing with DocBastard... If there was a FML hall of fame, DocBastard would be at the top of it, first inducted and everything.
GentlemanBastard 15
Also, Doc, a lot of people are making "clap" jokes, which is the wrong STD. Don't forget to call them stupid as well!
ladyg228 15
Your comments are so awesome Doc!!
ihpp 22
sometimes I wish stupid could be cured. then again, Doc wouldn't have a reason to blog anymore.
lostmama 7
by the way the clap is a slang word for chlamydia
dgameseeker 12
Another thing, there are wayyy too many of the "clap, clap." Comments... It's not gonorrhea
worldclassrager 41
Well are you going to call her?
MikeyLean 8
What?! Yeah go ahead and name the dog "herpes" smh.
aimzskee 30
At least she told you and you can get treated.
corn_flake 19
Well. Seems like its your fault for sleeping with a dirty *****...
MzZombicidal 36
That's extremely rude. I hope you know some people who end up contracting an STD get it from an unfaithful partner. Though we don't know much about her, it's not fair to shame her. She's in the same boat as OP. Even though it was in a very odd way, at least she had the decency to tell the poor guy.
MrsFlowers 9
Thumbs up for the last post of your comment.. But I hope you realize you sound like you have/had one.
MzZombicidal 36
Luckily, #136, I don't or never have, but I don't judge those who have. I'm also not a fan of shaming people more promiscuous with others. Though, to be fair, they were pretty dumb for not using a condom anyways (unless they did and it wasn't effective)
ColonelCusswords 24
#132 some people get stds like that but this chick is probably a dirty *****. So tone the **** down and let the guy say what he thinks
limabeans101029 21
How would you know that she's a "dirty *****"? For all we know, she may have slept with one guy a while ago and contracted chlamydia from that. It only takes one time to get an STD so we don't know how many people she might have slept with.
doemetoch 28
And even if she slept with several people, that's her business, no reason to call her a "dirty *****". (Although especially when having multiple sexual partners, not using a condom is a bad idea!)
FuckIt100_P 2
Some of you people get too damn butt hurt about these comments XD lmfaooo you're trying to prove a point on a comedy based website? Losssserrrrrrr
azyjazy713 11
All i can say is Damn. Fyl
slipstreak 10
At least she was creative about it.
cynicalsatireman 12
she should have sent this text first. Hey I just met you and this is crazy, I'm a *****. Protection maybe.
skittyskatbrat 19
If he hadn't been a man-**** himself his package would have been wrapped. God knows how many baby-daddies he'd have if he'd been born female. The song part sucks...but the rest is total YDI.
mccrightp 29
That sucks op! At least she bellied up to the bar and told you.
ColonelCusswords 24
Chlamydia only drastically effects women making them infertile. Its also easy to cure. Just go to the doctor for treatment