Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML
Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML
Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML
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Top comments
toxic_walrus 15
She gave you chlamydia AND has bad taste in music? You sure know how to pick em!
tj4234 36
Hey, i just ****** you. And this is crazy. I have chlamydia. So now you do maybe. Also, Sirin is the best, she's so cool. I wish she were my mum and all.
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Comments (224)
lilprincipessa 11
I really want to see your follow up for this.
ColonelCusswords 24
You should hurry up and get antibiotics before you start "feeling the burn" if you know what i mean
ColonelCusswords 24
Yea, walk off the burning pain in your genitals.
XoAlexxxoX 5
It's called using protection lmao you deserved it. Sorry dude.
skittyskatbrat 19
YDI. At least you aren't a baby daddy. Wrap your meat next time or keep it in your pants and you won't need to worry about this. Total YDI.
Callmeseansaur 9
I think we can all take something valuable from this: Use a condom. Before you have sex, just remember these rhymes: Don't be silly, wrap your willy. Use some protection for your erection.
Chibi_Kitten 24
Or "Don't be a fool, use a tool".
quincy07 2
Hey I just ****** you, And this is crazy, You got the clap now, Don't call me baby
Queen_of_Night 20
"The Clap" is gonorrhea. Named after the treatment they gave to men back in the day. They would "clap" two thick pieces of wood or stone together, with his penis in the middle. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* The more you know!
AnimeAddict95 20
This just made me cringe and I'm not even a guy.
midnightthirty 11
Go to the hospital right away, there are prevention pills. Sorry OP
MandyMeow_fml 18
With all the std's and shit out there you should wear protection, there is no excuse for that, you can go to different places and they will give you some for free. You're lucky you didn't catch something worse. Smarten up and protect yourself.
iateapenguin 27
YDI. Wear a god damn condom.