Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would... - FML

By ShakenNotStirred - 11/11/2013 08:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38070

You deserved it

2466

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Work name

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 14:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25508

You deserved it

2002

Tweet

Share

By becca1417 - 1/9/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14696

You deserved it

45179

Tweet

Share

By BrokeBride - 14/8/2014 07:15 - United States - Hudson

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44321

You deserved it

3313

Tweet

Share

By catsonuincorns - 15/4/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4400

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By Suicidal - 20/12/2009 22:40 - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30975

You deserved it

7678

Tweet

Share

By crazy mother in law - 17/12/2012 18:48

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45944

You deserved it

4988

Tweet

Share

By Username - 8/1/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25809

You deserved it

44230

Tweet

Share

By Yoda - 8/7/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41854

You deserved it

4880

Tweet

Share

By wowie - 21/10/2019 20:00

Rebel without a cause.

Today, my ex threatened to not return my things that she still has. She even went on to say she will burn them, because she hates me and I "broke her heart". Not only has it been over half a year since we broke up, but she was the one who broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1588

You deserved it

117

Tweet

Share

By drivingmecrazy - 28/5/2015 01:28 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29256

You deserved it

7230

Tweet

Share

By Jen - 20/10/2016 16:32

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11652

You deserved it

604

Tweet

Share

By The Corner Of Death - 12/8/2013 08:17 - United States - Spring

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

643

You deserved it

46

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77695

You deserved it

7356

Tweet

Share

By piliseep - 7/6/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3944

You deserved it

1576

Tweet

Share

By drfeelgood93 - 4/8/2010 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36755

You deserved it

5036

Tweet

Share

By sad - 5/5/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42053

You deserved it

7799

Tweet

Share

By fml_seriouslyfml - 7/6/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27517

You deserved it

43239

Tweet

Share

By (///▽///) - 18/2/2017 21:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I learned that "prima donna" was not in fact "pre-Madonna" like I'd always thought. My family won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4539

You deserved it

2929

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12238

You deserved it

19714

Tweet

Share

By missy - 9/3/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87232

You deserved it

8630

Tweet

Share

By Titanic - 7/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, the girl I've been hitting on for months on MSN and that I'm about to meet told me "I know you are in love, and you know I'm not". Erm, no, I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24880

You deserved it

5102

Tweet

Share

By minustoenail - 12/10/2012 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24390

You deserved it

1977

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67019

You deserved it

5959

Tweet

Share

By fucking hell my eyes burn - 23/5/2014 22:46 - Germany

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51177

You deserved it

5956

Tweet

Share

By PoachedFish - 29/12/2010 10:57 - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34223

You deserved it

3038

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3542

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By sadandmad - 20/1/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21961

You deserved it

2857

Tweet

Share

By jalopenos - 29/1/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9712

You deserved it

22580

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 07:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, it's my birthday and I had to work. My boss wished me a happy birthday, and then told me I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1976

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By possibly a sweater - 5/12/2013 22:26 - United States - Wharton

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43401

You deserved it

24264

Tweet

Share

By noname - 25/6/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52416

You deserved it

5164

Tweet

Share

By SugarMyBalls - 19/12/2012 23:31 - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47378

You deserved it

3135

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 14:51 - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58979

You deserved it

4048

Tweet

Share

By silverspud - 13/6/2015 01:22 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34193

You deserved it

7281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2018 01:30

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7732

You deserved it

603

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/9/2009 17:29 - Australia

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50m down the street so that I would be confused when I come out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41984

You deserved it

3343

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - 18/7/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

164

Tweet

Share

By Sam - 9/3/2019 14:00

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend at the mall at Victoria's Secret. We got separated, after which I saw 3 of my students. I teach middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2132

You deserved it

250

Tweet

Share

By why they bomb - 9/3/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31824

You deserved it

7776

Tweet

Share

By mister_pinky - 15/7/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44361

You deserved it

8347

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Ravensmoon666 | 19

#5750833 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59

What a jackass. I hope you're okay OP

By perdix | 29

#5750880 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:29

Tell him that dipping his hair in the drink isn't good enough entertainment to get freebies.

Pour the whole drink on his head, and then give him a free one. Now, that's entertainment!

COMMENTS

By Ravensmoon666 | 19

#5750833 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59

What a jackass. I hope you're okay OP

Reply

killuhand | 12

#5750901 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:45

I think op's okay, but if op was stirred on the other hand..

Reply

ja2006 | 9

#5750904 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:49

In his defense, he was trying to make poly juice potion (coffee flavor)...with his own hair...it was an experiment to see if he would turn into himself...for 30 mins....and then turn back into himself...forever.

Reply

imyy | 20

#5751129 - Monday 11 November 2013 20:50

That was definitely a terrible thing for him to do - glad you called him on it, he obviously just wanted a free drink. Liars never win :-)

By ziy_fml | 15

#5750834 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59

Lol!! Well then he sure tried for a freebie

Reply

ChenEighty | 20

#5750893 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:40

That was the FML, 2. We can read.

Reply

mario2012 | 18

#5750930 - Monday 11 November 2013 17:30

I can't read. I can spell perfectly fine though.

By Mrsoupinmytummy | 1

#5750836 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59

The way people are now and days...

By aoc123 | 8

#5750837 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:00

I just don't understand why that would even be something he would do?

By ervnomyous | 15

#5750838 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:00

People these days…

By Turrence | 9

#5750839 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:00

What a jackass.

By timetoeat | 3

#5750847 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:02

Some poor people just want to watch the world burn.

Reply

misspulkadot24 | 17

#5750875 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:25

He just wanted a free drink. No world burning here!

By paulpring | 9

#5750854 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:07

It is sad coz people actually do it to get free stuff

Reply

ImAFaker | 29

#5751292 - Monday 11 November 2013 23:34

That is what this FML is saying...

By FrankHotpants | 30

#5750868 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:15

If he was drunk then just take his drink, turn around for a bit and hand it back to him.

Reply

SmittyKick | 18

#5751121 - Monday 11 November 2013 20:40

What exactly did that accomplish?

Reply

claiiire_fml | 17

#5751690 - Tuesday 12 November 2013 7:47

Making the drunk customer think the bartender made him a new drink.

By TyT63 | 12

#5750872 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:20

downvotes...downvotes everywhere