By ShakenNotStirred - Australia - Brisbane Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 38081 You deserved it 2479 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML I agree, your life sucks 25672 You deserved it 4889 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WeightAMinute - United States Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML I agree, your life sucks 52651 You deserved it 6277 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By superstar - United States Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML I agree, your life sucks 21150 You deserved it 90901 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By doomed - United States Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML I agree, your life sucks 36902 You deserved it 2498 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 14:00 The Taste of Love Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1374 You deserved it 279 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India The cringe is real Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML I agree, your life sucks 964 You deserved it 141 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By noway - United States - San Francisco Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML I agree, your life sucks 30788 You deserved it 3432 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poop Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 44790 You deserved it 6596 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won't hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to "discover himself" 12 years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 5666 You deserved it 344 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shiznit - United States Technique Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML I agree, your life sucks 33500 You deserved it 4263 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adopteddd - United Kingdom Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML I agree, your life sucks 45479 You deserved it 3062 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML I agree, your life sucks 4291 You deserved it 370 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Ossining Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML I agree, your life sucks 26161 You deserved it 2665 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nick2.0 - United States Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 61077 You deserved it 5523 281 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By neverdoingthatagain - United States - Pottstown Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML I agree, your life sucks 21175 You deserved it 2087 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RetailScapegoat Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML I agree, your life sucks 4429 You deserved it 254 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eemp - France Today, I got sent to detention for saying, "that's what she said" after a girl in my class said, "push a little harder" while disecting a frog. FML I agree, your life sucks 33626 You deserved it 28137 200 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fiftyno - United States - Tacoma Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML I agree, your life sucks 31755 You deserved it 4099 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML I agree, your life sucks 135555 You deserved it 24389 268 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Loki16 - United States - New York Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 8416 You deserved it 736 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 3391 You deserved it 331 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I'maboutobarf - Australia Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML I agree, your life sucks 40132 You deserved it 2768 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Sparks Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML I agree, your life sucks 40110 You deserved it 3306 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RachelDC - United States Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML I agree, your life sucks 75026 You deserved it 5615 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unfortunatelyunlucky - United States Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML I agree, your life sucks 36966 You deserved it 2587 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By heshay - United States Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML I agree, your life sucks 50607 You deserved it 3518 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML I agree, your life sucks 26687 You deserved it 9962 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tvaladie - United States Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML I agree, your life sucks 43061 You deserved it 349355 410 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML I agree, your life sucks 35894 You deserved it 3050 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Socklessandsmelly - United States Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML I agree, your life sucks 19720 You deserved it 47022 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML I agree, your life sucks 32887 You deserved it 3126 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wallamanut - United States - Portland Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 36752 You deserved it 2822 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML I agree, your life sucks 31945 You deserved it 2067 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ET - United States - Glendale Today, I was at a small secret Santa with a group of friends. Everyone got each other some amazing gifts, the first person got a homemade self portrait, the second person got some professional grade playing cards, the third person got an album of past memories, and I got a pack of pens. FML I agree, your life sucks 20455 You deserved it 1715 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gumchuck - United States - Marshall Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML I agree, your life sucks 26780 You deserved it 16166 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Z88 - South Africa Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML I agree, your life sucks 13831 You deserved it 43044 346 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By n1a1t1h1a1n1 - United States - San Francisco Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML I agree, your life sucks 35406 You deserved it 3378 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stanky - United States Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML I agree, your life sucks 60665 You deserved it 5791 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rokkstarrrVRV - Canada - Edmonton Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 46185 You deserved it 5147 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meesh22 - United States Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML I agree, your life sucks 37969 You deserved it 7907 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ravensmoon666 | 19 #5750833 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59 What a jackass. I hope you're okay OP Send a private message 69 4 Reply
By perdix | 29 #5750880 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:29 Tell him that dipping his hair in the drink isn't good enough entertainment to get freebies. Pour the whole drink on his head, and then give him a free one. Now, that's entertainment! Send a private message 40 2 Reply
By Ravensmoon666 | 19 #5750833 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59 What a jackass. I hope you're okay OP Send a private message 69 4 Reply
Reply killuhand | 12 #5750901 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:45 I think op's okay, but if op was stirred on the other hand.. Send a private message 1 1 Reply
Reply ja2006 | 9 #5750904 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:49 In his defense, he was trying to make poly juice potion (coffee flavor)...with his own hair...it was an experiment to see if he would turn into himself...for 30 mins....and then turn back into himself...forever. Send a private message 10 1 Reply
Reply imyy | 20 #5751129 - Monday 11 November 2013 20:50 That was definitely a terrible thing for him to do - glad you called him on it, he obviously just wanted a free drink. Liars never win :-) Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By ziy_fml | 15 #5750834 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59 Lol!! Well then he sure tried for a freebie Send a private message 1 32 Reply
Reply ChenEighty | 20 #5750893 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:40 That was the FML, 2. We can read. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
Reply mario2012 | 18 #5750930 - Monday 11 November 2013 17:30 I can't read. I can spell perfectly fine though. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
By Mrsoupinmytummy | 1 #5750836 - Monday 11 November 2013 15:59 The way people are now and days... Send a private message 1 2 Reply
By aoc123 | 8 #5750837 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:00 I just don't understand why that would even be something he would do? Send a private message 4 20 Reply
By ervnomyous | 15 #5750838 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:00 People these days… Send a private message 0 3 Reply
By Turrence | 9 #5750839 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:00 What a jackass. Send a private message 13 2 Reply
By timetoeat | 3 #5750847 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:02 Some poor people just want to watch the world burn. Send a private message 4 24 Reply
Reply misspulkadot24 | 17 #5750875 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:25 He just wanted a free drink. No world burning here! Send a private message 11 4 Reply
By paulpring | 9 #5750854 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:07 It is sad coz people actually do it to get free stuff Send a private message 7 17 Reply
Reply ImAFaker | 29 #5751292 - Monday 11 November 2013 23:34 That is what this FML is saying... Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By FrankHotpants | 30 #5750868 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:15 If he was drunk then just take his drink, turn around for a bit and hand it back to him. Send a private message 11 14 Reply
Reply SmittyKick | 18 #5751121 - Monday 11 November 2013 20:40 What exactly did that accomplish? Send a private message 4 3 Reply
Reply claiiire_fml | 17 #5751690 - Tuesday 12 November 2013 7:47 Making the drunk customer think the bartender made him a new drink. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By TyT63 | 12 #5750872 - Monday 11 November 2013 16:20 downvotes...downvotes everywhere Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML I agree, your life sucks 226 You deserved it 26 7 Comments
Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract... I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 39 2 Comments
Pour the whole drink on his head, and then give him a free one. Now, that's entertainment!