By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 02:03 - United States - Pittsburgh

The past that suits you best

Today, I found out that sorting and deleting old unnecessary emails to free up space meant reliving the most horrific memories I've ever experienced. Worse yet, I have to keep certain old messages in case these things ever come up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

962

You deserved it

Favorite

Understandable

Hi mom!

Monetize your shit life

By explainer - South Africa

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55101

You deserved it

7402

Favorite

By Shrekkk

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

769

You deserved it

2352

Favorite

By zobara - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40978

You deserved it

3898

Favorite

By noneedtostress - Australia

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39713

You deserved it

10414

Favorite

By Smash_Mouth - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10530

You deserved it

86649

Favorite

By Anonymous - Jordan - Amman

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38139

You deserved it

5371

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27353

You deserved it

2571

Favorite

By Nick - United States

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59493

You deserved it

6895

Favorite

By ReluctantAntEater - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36949

You deserved it

3560

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38016

You deserved it

19946

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1955

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By fatty - United States

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46254

You deserved it

15629

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I contacted a girl who dropped her ID at a club last night. I offer to drive 2 hours to return her ID to her. She is thrilled. When I arrive, she gives me a strange look, takes the ID, and runs back into her house. A two hour drive without even a thank you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33202

You deserved it

13650

Favorite

By jmitch1209 - United States

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32810

You deserved it

3838

Favorite

By Pissy pants

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3080

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37201

You deserved it

7166

Favorite

By Madi Jenna - United States

Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39146

You deserved it

5829

Favorite

By Taylor Page - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33506

You deserved it

2523

Favorite

By pinkpanther61789

Thanks for the support, guys!

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1642

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Michael978

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12769

You deserved it

1026

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31972

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

By lexyloo - United States

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34410

You deserved it

5740

Favorite

By Josie Stiger - 19/3/2020 05:00

Denied

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1455

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By gas money - United States - Reno

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25739

You deserved it

3467

Favorite

By Jizzyface - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55973

You deserved it

28667

Favorite

By Yuni - United States

Mom of the year

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2354

You deserved it

354

Favorite

By unengaged - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46155

You deserved it

4195

Favorite

By op-poopy - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29946

You deserved it

2584

Favorite

By Nola

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5150

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By whywouldudothat - 19/4/2020 02:00

Vinted-ed

Today, my mom sold my watch collection on Vinted. I've spent over 15 years on the collection and I don't even live with my mom. I'm still wondering how she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1944

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By daisyann - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22611

You deserved it

55405

Favorite

By pooh anne - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37965

You deserved it

7936

Favorite

By ewww - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40618

You deserved it

4004

Favorite

By oldskoolfun - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20323

You deserved it

10576

Favorite

By justabitembarrassed - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24743

You deserved it

4782

Favorite

By enriquegay - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59046

You deserved it

37431

Favorite

By Jinx - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4121

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Heart-Broken - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36776

You deserved it

3577

Favorite

By Demotivation - Germany - Berlin

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40335

You deserved it

3066

Favorite

By Sasquatch

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3637

You deserved it

1202

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By -Silverfox- | 10

#7947378 - Saturday 24 October 2020 22:28

You could just move those emails to another folder. That way you wont have to see them

By Jaymail | 17

#7947255 - Saturday 24 October 2020 8:15

Extra storage space is really cheap and inexpensive. Don’t quote me on this but I pay only about $5/month for 50 gigs of extra storage space. Contact your provider.

COMMENTS

By Jaymail | 17

#7947255 - Saturday 24 October 2020 8:15

Extra storage space is really cheap and inexpensive. Don’t quote me on this but I pay only about $5/month for 50 gigs of extra storage space. Contact your provider.

By -Silverfox- | 10

#7947378 - Saturday 24 October 2020 22:28

You could just move those emails to another folder. That way you wont have to see them

By coius | 20

#7947521 - Sunday 25 October 2020 16:51

Make a new email account, maybe with google and transition to it logging in every month or so, or in gmail, it can forward new emails to a new address. Gives you ability to save emails while avoiding old ones coming up.