Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
untoward 0
well if your masturbating so much, probably no one is seeing your penis anyway
katieebabyy 0
carrot crotch!
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Comments (353)
Tamaracboy15 0
And THAT's why god put women on this great planet of ours. So we dnt all look like sex-craved oompa-loompas
TeenieAmerica 9
What's with all the people saying YDI for not getting any? People who ********** have sex. I mean, I thought most dudes masturbated. And so what if he's not getting any. Not necessarily his fault. Maybe he's ugly. You can't help it if you're ugly. That's genetics, man.
SilenceIsSilver 0
Wellll you could say you have some weird skin disease on your hands... Lucky for you, nobody will see that your penis matches. (:
camposyolanda12 0
LOL OMFG
Squander 3
EVERYONE MASTRUBATES PEOPLE. I DID JUST UNDER TWO HOURS AGO.
MyFirstKiss 0
ITS TRUE! WE ALL MASURBATE RIGHT? well i think so:(
Tabzz 7
No offense #331 but I'm not sure many of us want to know when you last masturbated.
Quest_ 13
Speak for yourself!
shootdierepeat 0
firecrotch
turbopuss 1
caught red handed (orange) lol
HoneyBall 3
hahaha.. i had to put this as a favourite
green2go 14
get some potassium nitrate and put that in his lotion. if your skin touches it it will it Barny purple for the next two months.