By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 23:02

Today, my husband's grandmother told me in confidence that he was diagnosed with psychopathy as a child, so in all likelihood my husband isn’t actually capable of feeling love for me. I’m just a useful tool to make him seem normal so doctors and therapists leave him alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 2 082
You deserved it 148

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Susan Yee 9

You never suspected anything while dating him? He’s a great con artist. Creepy.

theyellowgoose 3

do you trust her? she could be up to something. I feel like you would have noticed something.


Susan Yee 9

You never suspected anything while dating him? He’s a great con artist. Creepy.

or she could talk to him about it? psychopathy doesn't mean they're inherently a bad person, nor does it imply he doesn't want to spend his life with her.

theyellowgoose 3

do you trust her? she could be up to something. I feel like you would have noticed something.

It's entirely possible that it could be true-when it comes to psychopaths, some of the best ones are generally such skilled actors that it's only when their crimes are revealed that their true nature is uncovered. That's why in crime documentaries, when the family/friends are interviewed, they'll often say how "they never saw it coming" or "they were such a good person" and sometimes vehemently claim their innocence because it feels so unbelievable.

People also say that because they don’t want to be the guy to say “I saw a bunch of red flags and said nothing and now people are dead” that opens them up for civil suits from the victims/victims families. Instead everyone says “I didn’t see it coming”.

More to the point, 'psychopathy' is no longer in the DSM, and antisocial personality disorder can only be diagnosed past 18. She's conning you, OP. That, or she's just a horrible person.

Win 9

I thought of two things. 1) Is the grandmother a reliable source? 2) If this is actually true, even therapy cannot actually help psychopaths. If you’re noticing some weird patterns that you usually ignore or give him the benefit of the doubt for... I would re-observe that. Although, this is tricky because if you’re looking at him from the lens of psychopath then you’re likely to make assumptions. Honestly, I would want to see where this diagnosis history is... People who are sociopaths or psychopaths are very smart. They appear as normal people, can be charming, caring towards family, etc. (Ex: Ted Bundy). They know how to beat the system by showing fake compassion and empathy in a believable way. You cannot teach a person empathy unfortunately lol. Like maybe as a child, you can guide a child but a full grown adult... yeah nope. The reason psychotherapy cannot help them is because for now, there’s no proper way to help someone diagnosed with “persistent antisocial behaviour”, since they know how to fake it & actually can learn how to manipulate people from therapy lol. I’m sorry. I really hope the grandma is maybe just old & hence having senile issues instead. :/

I really enjoyed this explanation. thank you for this.

KittenShitz 12

And you’re acting like it’s his fault? Psychos can feel love. They can’t empathize with you.

Are you sure she’s being honest? If he had a legitimate diagnosis I’m shocked nobody else mentioned it, and also medical professionals generally agree that a child can’t be diagnosed with psychopathy until they’re an adult so I smell a rat

I am not a psychologist (or a psychopath) but I have an adoptive son who I slowly came to realize has psychopathic tendencies. I have also worked for a couple of them - Ugh that was awful! I believe my son does love and care for people close to him, but he’s also a talented liar and does tend to rely on manipulation rather than doing the work to get what he wants. First, it’s rarely a binary issue, most real people range in tendencies between “normal” and something else. So even if Grandma is right he may not be completely without empathy. Secondly psychopaths vary in their ability to function in life. Very low functioning psychopaths wind up as criminals or in prison. The highest functioning psychopaths wind up as lawyers, CEO’s or sometimes as our President (example Donald Trump). I recommend the book “Snakes in Suits”. OP I urge you to (1) Talk to your husband and ask him if there is any truth and how he feels about you. Unfortunately, if he is a high functioning psychopath he will be a convincing and manipulative liar. But he deserves the opportunity to discuss this. (2) Talk to a mental health professional who may be able to help you understand what is going on.

They won't diagnose psychopathy until after age 25. Grandma's a liar.

actually you can't be diagnosed as a psychopath until the age of 18. If you are under 18 it's a conduct disorder.

Suaria 38

So I wouldn't classify myself as a psychologist but I work within the mental health field. First off psychopathy isn't technically a diagnosis. It's more of a common speak term for people who have anti-social personality disorder. If your husband was diagnosed with ASPD, it would have had to be after he turned 18. Most often because of their seriousness cluster b personalities disorders are typically not diagnosed until someone turns 18. So it would be unethical if a therapist diagnosed him with ASPD before he turned 18. If this weighs on you, I would suggest talking to your husband and get his input about this.

Dordanni 10

Children are diagnosed with “behavioral disorder” until they turn 18 and can get the diagnosis “cluster b” ... for everyone saying sociopath’s/psychopaths are smart, some are, some aren’t. What they are though is good at adaption. They learn to adapt so they can go unnoticed. My daughter’s exhusband was a perfect dream, until she got pregnant, and all his guards came down. Turns out he was diagnosed as a child, but the official diagnosis was when he turned 25 by the state. Do not ignore red flags! Lying is a huge trait, they do not believe rules apply to them, easily agitated... super charismatic.. It took 3 years for my daughters ex to drop his guard.

that cant be diagnosed in children all children profile that way.... if he had warning signs from the triade he may actually be but just cause someone seemed to be one as a child doesnt mean its true

Kraths 16

I am confused on why everyone is acting like this is the end of the world. You do know plenty of people with antisocial personalities work in high level jobs. How is this an FML, you can’t fault someone for something they can’t control. It’s like saying FML because I married some with Down syndrome, or FML because I married someone with who was born with cancer, or FML I married someone who disabled. People can’t control mental illness, or actual illness for that matter, so saying FML about someone else who had no control over it is pretty low if you ask me.