Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter has been hopelessly stuck on an easy puzzle in her favorite video game for a week now. Today, she excitedly told me that she'd figured it out. The solution to the puzzle? No, she’s figured out how to look up a walkthrough on the internet. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
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Top comments
injuredathlete 12
someone needs to learn good behavior.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Your child is a genius!
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Comments (333)
TheModernPatriot 14
You should spank the crap out of her. She is smart, but you're the adult, not her. If nothing major was done, she will keep doing stuff like this
hobodude34 5
Wow, someone needs to work on their behavior. And I'm not talking about your daughter.
thecrazymancan 17
You could just try pressing the reset button that is most likely on the back.
elizacandle 29
talk about PARENTAL controls!!!
bigmammajamma69 4
Bribe is the wrong word here...
Xotoolyxo 16
Hahah what a smart girl, you should be proud
faygo_chick 5
That is awesome.
bobbyonebang 6
good for her. maybe you guys need to learn how to shutup when youre watching sports....
Taurus_ChicKa 36
And this is why I hate sports - not only do the athletes make a ridiculous amount of money for having no talent, but the fans act like total imbeciles while watching this happen. You scream so loud at a dumb game that you scare your poor kid? YDI. Besides that, if she figured out how to work that parental control, YDI for showing her how to do so if you didn't want her messing with it. Only you are supposed to know how to unlock it, not the other way around. Parenting - you're doing it wrong. And don't bribe her with anything or she'll learn that doing naughty things gets her rewarded. Punish her in some way - sounds like she needs discipline. Perhaps you should be doing more of that and less watching sports.
fantasyworld 37
I heard recently that a player was suspended an entire season for smoking pot but another was suspended two games for assaulting his girlfriend. Nice standards there NFL.
souljacker 11
She's a genius for learning that football is a lot of sh*t at such an early age. Be proud.