Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter has been hopelessly stuck on an easy puzzle in her favorite video game for a week now. Today, she excitedly told me that she'd figured it out. The solution to the puzzle? No, she’s figured out how to look up a walkthrough on the internet. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
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Top comments
injuredathlete 12
someone needs to learn good behavior.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Your child is a genius!
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Comments (333)
NavitasNexus 3
You're trying to bribe her to fix something she did wrong? This is what's wrong with children today. Give her arse a good taste of a belt.
kinz7865 7
call your cable company and they'll reset it.
din365 5
well, because she decided to lock out football on your TV, she's grounded from watching it at all! that's what my parents would have done.
Tannasgh 22
Reset the tv. Problem solved.
assistantrachel 2
Give me a break. If I had pulled some shit like that when I was a kid, my dad would have busted my ass. And I would have deserved it. Who's the adult here?!
AgentPlatypus73 8
This is why I hate children. If bribes don't work, threaten to take things away. Toys, desserts, play dates, HER tv shows, etc.
Blazefina 5
I wonder what football it was. NRL or AFL. Also is the screaming from the fact NSW keeps losing state of Origin...
komodo8 6
Fyl it's playoff time haha but On the other hand you have a really smart kid
kindlarry 7
This is why they should allow 19th trimester abortions.
FMLZane 4
Blackmail, not bribe.