Intimacy, Kids and Sex: Get it on, son - FML

Get it on, son

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was teasing my son about all the newlywed sex he must be having. He turned bright red and ended up admitting that because they stayed virgins until marriage they were too nervous to try on the wedding night, or on the honeymoon, or anytime since then. The wedding was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 450

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Same thing different taste

By newlywed - 27/02/2011 05:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 053

You deserved it 13 457

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been over 15 months since I’ve had sex with my fiancé. We’re getting married next month. Now I'm wondering if we’ll have sex at all on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 363

No fun

By Blueballzwill - 14/10/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I still haven’t consummated my marriage with my new wife. She said no sex before marriage and I obliged for 2 long years. During our honeymoon, she kept making up excuses. Now when I sit down and talk to her, she calls me a “horny pervert” and accuses me of “using her for sex” and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 525

Just tradwife things

By Fapmaster - 07/01/2023 03:00

Spicy

Today, after a year and a half of sticking to my new wife’s “no-sex-before marriage” rule while we dated, she brushed me off while I tried to consummate the marriage. Apparently, she’s not ready to have kids yet and “semen will get the sheets dirty.” Guess I’ll be jerking it on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 768

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 16:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 133

You deserved it 11 758

Not a great start

By anon - 05/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 218

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 201

By LizP40 - 27/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 994

You deserved it 9 413

A tale as old as time

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my wife and I used to have sex at least 5 times a week, but since we said "I DO" at our wedding I’m lucky to get a shag once a month, and you can forget about blowjobs, I’ve not had one since before the wedding. Nothing about our life has changed to cause this, except we’re married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 366

By sierra.sl31 - 28/07/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 262

Next

Top comments

Gubbon 17

Sunday 26 November 2023 23:01

Well... THEIR life sucks.

Wadlaen 23

Sunday 26 November 2023 22:52

Well, they should get to it and find out what they're missing out on!

Comments

Wadlaen 23

Sunday 26 November 2023 22:52

Well, they should get to it and find out what they're missing out on!

Gubbon 17

Sunday 26 November 2023 23:01

Well... THEIR life sucks.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 26 November 2023 23:11

And this is a problem for you because...? I mean, it's better than rushing into intimacy before they are ready.

mechgineer 3

Monday 27 November 2023 2:52

They both might just be asexual.

SylvarLorali 4

Monday 27 November 2023 8:58

Um... thats creepy. Don't do that.

D J's MOM 17

Monday 27 November 2023 12:29

send them a bottle of some good stuff, maybe it'll get them in the mood. no more comments though, it'll happen when they're ready.

lgrave 7

Monday 27 November 2023 15:49

Well, for sure YOU failed in the sexual education of your son.

EricW 4

Thursday 30 November 2023 23:44

ok. just **** the bride to teach them how to proceed

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 3 406

Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 733

You deserved it 5 743

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 221

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 673

You deserved it 3 910

Today, my last 2 ex-girlfriends, who each left me for someone else, are either travelling the world, own multiple online shops, and both are drop dead gorgeous. I have to work a full-time job while my health deteriorates from stress, bills pile up, and having been sexless for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 199

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 360

You deserved it 3 720

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 055

You deserved it 3 099