Intimacy: Slick move

Slick move

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 243

You deserved it 14 898

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Same thing different taste

The Scatman

By Mandy - 13/03/2022 10:00

Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 265

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 688

You deserved it 2 160

By fjafja - 07/03/2009 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 663

You deserved it 13 350

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 358

You deserved it 2 839

By Bawo - 02/06/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 092

You deserved it 34 015

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 16 892

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 320

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 389

You deserved it 1 420

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 871

You deserved it 13 796

By mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 033

You deserved it 6 893

Minorchord 4

Friday 29 May 2009 22:28

Perfectly normal, mature adult behavior. Nothing at all to be concerned about. Not whatsoever.

heavyop 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:33

Wait, did he leave immediately after that without saying anything? Cause if he did, he sure knows how to make an exit.

Comments

padfoot_fml 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 23:12

Unless he has sex with his pants on that's impossible, our science teacher explained how his friend tried it without any pants, the flame comes back into your ass and yea, you have to go to the hospital.

log1k 3

Sunday 31 May 2009 23:27

"Today, I had sex with a new guy..." makes you sound like such a ****. YDI

fml_z123z 0

Monday 1 June 2009 6:38

#198 I totally agree... I am against sex before marriage but if ur gonna have sex at LEAST know the guy first!!!

trustno1fox 0

Monday 1 June 2009 10:14

your a ******* ****. YD

alchemist 0

Monday 1 June 2009 15:36

just be glad his anal hairs didn't catch fire.

bay_fml 0

Monday 1 June 2009 18:50

ugh. I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR YOU. but, I will admit that I laughed a little when I read that. It's definately an "FML" moment :)

idesofmarch 1

Monday 1 June 2009 19:14

#197 is right. They even tried this sort of thing on Mythbusters and they could not produce a flame. So, OP, what *really* happened?

YungMarlon23 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 4:27

Words cannot express the awesom... hellz yea!

mjschmid 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 9:47

I've done this before, and it burned some hairs that left a horrid stink, for the record To the OP, maybe this was his way of ensuring it WAS infact a one night stand, and wouldn't have to deal with the whole awkward "i'll call you" and not calling thing? This man is brilliant!