Work: Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and... - FML

By makeitstop - 02/12/2009 07:14 - Canada

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 506

You deserved it 4 231

Menace II Society

Kids will be kids

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 05:01 - United States - Monterey

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 188

You deserved it 3 603

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 616

You deserved it 13 440

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 409

You deserved it 4 775

By picklemonger - 08/12/2011 19:58 - Canada

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 569

You deserved it 33 369

The new economy

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 19:58 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I have so little faith in my future earning potential that I keep my clipped toe and fingernails as a nest egg. I heard that some weirdos on the internet actually pay money for those. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 853

By Anonymous - 25/07/2016 21:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 042

You deserved it 1 706

Boing!

By nurse - 13/09/2019 02:01 - Norway

Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 969

By spitball101 - 12/01/2014 05:26 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 567

You deserved it 4 925

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 162

By bobjope - 28/02/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 2 726

By fmlguy382 - 22/06/2011 08:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 174

You deserved it 7 843

By cl4ptp - 14/08/2012 12:17 - United Kingdom - Barry

Spicy

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 095

You deserved it 7 644

By Anonymous - 28/02/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 3 223

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 652

By a chick in California - 14/06/2012 20:10 - United States - Ceres

Spicy

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 140

You deserved it 8 659

By Cyberdeeder - 13/10/2008 08:19

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 052

You deserved it 20 241

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 03:55 - United States

Today, I'd had it with my mom's addiction to weed, so I told her to choose between me or the weed. I'm currently looking on Craigslist for an apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 937

You deserved it 14 013

By trustyourfamily - 14/09/2015 22:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 950

You deserved it 2 254

Beep Beep Who's Got the Keys to the Jeep

By Loser - 12/08/2017 03:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I lost my keys while at the supermarket. I franticly back-tracked through the store, asking everyone I saw along the way. They eventually showed up, right where I left them... in my unattended car, the engine still running. There was an announcement made over the PA system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 3 278

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 671

You deserved it 868

By Dani - 12/01/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 6 031

By Rar - 09/05/2015 17:13 - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 834

You deserved it 10 052

By thatsjustgreat - 25/01/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 793

You deserved it 9 240

By anonymous - 30/07/2014 02:36 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 944

You deserved it 7 448

Protocol

By zuko - 27/12/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, in the store I work at, I was screamed at multiple times for not staying 6 feet away from everyone. The store is packed, and there is not even 6 feet of free space to work with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 95

By pain in my gums - 27/02/2017 11:30 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 898

You deserved it 367

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 08:13 - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 595

You deserved it 5 450

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 14:00

Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 3 077

By Ignatius - 07/06/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 941

You deserved it 26 708

Due date

By NewMommy29 - 02/07/2021 00:01

Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 16:00 - United States

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 772

You deserved it 2 394

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 675

You deserved it 6 314

By ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 576

You deserved it 7 257

By Divorcemenow - 17/07/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 544

You deserved it 6 947

By mistake - 11/05/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 982

You deserved it 5 710

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 947

You deserved it 5 378

By DieuEstUnHomme - 03/02/2016 15:44 - France - Reims

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 660

You deserved it 2 447

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 574

You deserved it 2 870

By poorcar - 05/10/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 151

You deserved it 3 637

Panic mode: activated

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and saw muddy footprints next to it. They were at least three sizes bigger than mine. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 94

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 17:04

Whenever I hear those two, I just think of them big ol' titties and can't help smiling and getting a boner. Dolly has nice ones, too. ;)

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:42

FML isn't a contest to see who has the worst life, it's a place to share funny stories about the bad things that happen to us. And personally I think it was way better before people brought their emo bullshit in here.

Comments

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:20

Not an fml... deal with the music.

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 18:33

i disagree, i think this is a perfect FML. if i had to listen to that shit on repeat for 8 hours i'd be saying "fuck my life" too.

AkihiroHattori5 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 19:13

I know right? Moderator fail. If this is the only thing he/she has to complain about, then they either have no life or they need to count their blessings and brace themselves for whatever true FML moment that's coming.

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 20:47

You've obviously never been forced to deal with listening to horrible music over and over and over and over again. It's okay at first, but after a while you just want to smash the stereo. What's even worse is if you have to listen to music you love on constant repeat. Eventually, you'll come to associate that music with work, and come to hate it. Sucks!

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:42

FML isn't a contest to see who has the worst life, it's a place to share funny stories about the bad things that happen to us. And personally I think it was way better before people brought their emo bullshit in here.

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:42

Why'd you have to listen to it for 8 hours? Where the hell were you at?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:12

Damn it all to hell, stupid iPhone that was "of" not "if"

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:29

#51 - "Today, AT WORK..."

PayneTrain585 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 3:27

probably work

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Friday 11 June 2010 8:03

why

bestiebabes_jes 0

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Friday 3 June 2011 6:57

I agree who gives a F*** ? thats not a flm ur just dumb ..

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Sunday 12 June 2011 23:22

dude, you're so right. if I hear one more story about some kid who pretends to have friends, I'm going to kill someone

xkatiebugger10x 4

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Saturday 6 August 2011 22:51

99- I wouldn't be talking about dumb... Did you know that you are supposed to use 'an' instead of 'a' before FML. Think about it. And it's not FLM.

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:20

who doesn't love dolly parton? ;) haven't heard her singing though :/

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 21:51

How can you "love" a singer if you haven't heard her SING?

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:53

was a joke douche bag

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Friday 10 December 2010 5:47

love your pic btw

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:21

Reminds me abit of 40 year-old virgin...

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:21

I'm so very sorry. :'(

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:22

sucks.. but you got paid for it at least

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:23

No kidding flyintonite. I agree. At my work I not only have annoy music i have to listen to all year long, literally, but (its a museum) in ones of the rooms there are really annoying loud buttons that go yee-haa and buzz when the answer is wrong. and little kids love to press them over and over.

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Monday 28 November 2011 3:48

Win.

SailorButterfly 8

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:27

Sucks for you, but I personally wouldn't mind it. XD

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:33

today at my work...oh,wait I lost my job due to shit economy. fyl because you didn't like the days soundtrack? baby.

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:37

I agree with 1, 5, & 6. I mean CTFU.

catscratch_fml 1

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:50

CTFU? What's the C?

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:53

Chut up! I mean, how do you not know what a fuckass is?

catscratch_fml 1

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 20:43

My education is obviously sorely lacking. I've never seen Donnie Darko.

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:38

It could have been worse - you could be listening to the same 7 minute song over and over and over again for the 8 hour shift. I did this at my first job (at a museum - the song was specifically written for the exhibit).

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 23

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 86