Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
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Top comments
acneegg 7
Sounds like something from Drag Me To Hell
lafrenchie 4
You'm had a panic attack, huh?
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Comments (70)
naximus93 0
Don't worry, OP. It could have been worse. She could have spit her dentures out at you also.
Xythenol 6
Lmao, ew. FYL OP, go wash your mouth out
Describe 0
I like your style.
mintcar 10
Omgsh, thats incredibly disgusting. I can understand miniature droplets from coughing, but phlegm is pretty thick. How'd it end up in your mouth? Maybe I'm not reading the FML correctly. It's 4:00 am, time for bed.
Mr_Zachary 0
Should have given that old hag a flying kick in the meat curtains.
schwancy 2
Is it just me or do the most recent group of FMLs all seem to have grammar issues? Wake up mods!
Crimsonhead 0
Why do old people think they can get away with whatever they want? Oh, because people don't like to say anything to them about their lack of manners and respect. “Oh, she's old. She can't help it”. Bullshit. I hope you told her what a dirty c*nt she was.
schwancy 2
If Horton taught us anything it's: "A **** is a **** no matter how small".
that_guy_ollie 0
loool u just made my day thank you ! x
that_guy_ollie 0
haha 33 you've just made my day :D i have a cookie for you here but ill probably eat it before you claim it :(
patriotman 0
33 FTW
hydef14 2
vodka cures all!
gregomania_fml 0
Savor and swallow. Old vintage phlegmy. Delicious.
maybaybe 0
gross