Sex, Gross and Intimacy: Salad days

Salad days

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 669

You deserved it 5 181

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 579

You deserved it 6 641

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 299

You deserved it 8 115

I'll bite

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 462

You deserved it 696

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 252

You deserved it 7 798

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 11:17 - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 026

You deserved it 2 599

By Anonymous - 25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 069

You deserved it 4 220

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 892

You deserved it 3 606

Confused?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 613

You deserved it 6 022

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 544

You deserved it 1 149

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 201

dweeds508 24

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

How would anyone deserve this??

hallix 21

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

Well, looks like you'll be skipping the sushi date for their anniversary.

Comments

jw90 18

Friday 5 July 2013 4:19

Ah parents love to embarrass their children.

meihua 19

Friday 5 July 2013 4:30

Hopefully the other is raw

worldclassrager 39

Friday 5 July 2013 4:38

You scared me too and Salmon is my favorite...why did I continue reading this?

vballgirly28 16

Friday 5 July 2013 4:42

Okay that's just gross. Why do parents feel the need to tell their children these things! Ewwww!!!

taka3000000o 8

Friday 5 July 2013 5:05

Best dad ever

lailagothgal 16

Friday 5 July 2013 5:21

Its ruined for me now too.....

harp 9

Friday 5 July 2013 5:27

Should have ordered the snapper.......

SilencioIsTheKey 12

Friday 5 July 2013 5:38

I am now.. Scarred for life. That is the creepiest fml I've ever read. Please don't ruin any more food for me or anyone else in the galaxy.

redstone7693 29

Friday 5 July 2013 5:51

That even made me loose my appetite!

onorexveritas 23

Friday 5 July 2013 6:04

parents ... its like they want to get back at us

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Ironic Gifts Mother in law Money Birthday Family Public freakouts Education Parents Exams Students Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 442

You deserved it 4 299

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 1 010

The Top

Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I selected a lovely looking bowl of rice with slices of squid. I was served some ice cream. With squid. On a unidentified white mousse. I’m still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 127

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 484

You deserved it 7 843

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 700

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 677

Today, I sneezed four times in succession. The problem is that I've never sneezed more than three times in a row in my life, so the fourth one came as such a shock to me that I accidentally banged my head on my desk when it occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 279

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 703