Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I received a call from a potential employer. I was excited, until my roommate starts loudly moaning sexually in the background. The interviewer got offended and hung up. My roommate did it because I "made her" pay my half of the rent this month. FYI, I’m unemployed. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it, despite working full time and me part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML
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Top comments
lovelockdown23 23
Who gives up their virginity out of spite? she's an idiot
Jefffz 13
You should have asked her if you could split the guy too
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Comments (89)
Kidjazzin 17
That's pretty freaking rude. Time to find a new roommate eh?
FunnnyGirrl 19
Your roommate sounds like a cow! I suggest looking for somewhere else to live, she's shown her true colours!
97mailo 17
Time to fight fire with fire. First you charge a guy to sleep with her, after he pays you, you casually mention to her how much you like him. Then she will probably sleep with him also, and you have a win win. You can pay all your bills with the money you make from her.
snazzymcwho 21
Just move out and leave that **** with all of the bills she can't pay. That shit used to happen to me too until I finally met my now husband.
kishmobile444 16
umm, I'd bet money she was not a virgin if that's why she did it. she's possibly a perpetual liar and not likely to be a reliable housemate with rent. beware!
edmunson 22
Probably not a virgin, just a mean, vindictive bitch...
Ruskiy_Cherep 18
Jokes on her, shes the one that got ******!
Ava_Darkflame 26
Bitch.
pinque 19
What a ****
Freelman 7
Why does this never happen to me ?