Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I received a call from a potential employer. I was excited, until my roommate starts loudly moaning sexually in the background. The interviewer got offended and hung up. My roommate did it because I "made her" pay my half of the rent this month. FYI, I’m unemployed. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it, despite working full time and me part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML
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Top comments
lovelockdown23 23
Who gives up their virginity out of spite? she's an idiot
Jefffz 13
You should have asked her if you could split the guy too
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Comments (89)
lexiieeex3 32
Now she's just a petty bitch.
keiNan_fml 35
Virginity for electricity bill. That's new.
dutchy86 20
it always sucks when friends don't understand the meaning of sharing... fyl OP
EpicKassi 23
What???
sarcasmwins 24
What an inconsiderate bitch. That's a real dick move, sorry you had to go through that OP.
alex_gen 39
She waited that long only to lose it to a stranger, out of spite towards the bill? She has her priorities set, that's for sure.
quackImapenguin 16
She wasn't necessarily trying to wait. It could be that she just hadn't previously gone out of her way to try to have casual sex and hadn't happened to find herself in a relationship. I was like that till half way through college. I would never **** someone to get back at someone else though. To the OP, my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to have a problem roommate and it is just the worst.
namibian 13
She's going to regret it later on. Don't feel bad now. Karma is is Bitch
sarkaar 30
Did she say it was her "cumback"?
sstahpp 33
Hahaha! Perfect!
gintwinsmoore 20
bitches are so slick and vengeful...give all girls/women a bad name sometimes. sooo the lesson here is not to tell your friends who you're crushing on bc for sure she'll try to take him in most cases.
gintwinsmoore 20
too bad she will only have and use SEX as a means of paying her bills...what a ******* ****.
askullnamedbilly 33
Are you sure those two things are related and you're not just making up the connection in your head? Most people would NOT go that far to get back at someone, especially over a bill. Did she actually tell you she only slept with him to hurt your feelings?