Today, I received a call from a potential employer. I was excited, until my roommate starts loudly moaning sexually in the background. The interviewer got offended and hung up. My roommate did it because I "made her" pay my half of the rent this month. FYI, I’m unemployed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML
Today, I had a Zoom job interview. My roommate grabbed me, duct-taped my mouth, and hogtied me. I watched helplessly as he took the call with my potential employer, insulted her, and said, “Fuck this job.” All because I “hit on his girlfriend” at a BBQ yesterday, by asking her if she wanted another hot dog. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with, "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML
Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it, despite working full time and me part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML
Today, during a video job interview, I tried to sound professional by saying, “I always give 110%.” At that exact moment, my roommate burst into the room, holding a burrito and yelling, “You can’t even give 100% to doing the dishes.” The interviewer muted their mic, but I could see them shaking with laughter. FML
Today, I figured out that the roommate who I let move in with me on Sunday is probably a prostitute. I’m a lawyer. FML
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
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Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
so you didn't simply say, can you hold on 1 second, my roommate is being immature, and then walk out of the apartment/house? YDI for not thinking on your feet.
Zer0 2
Well that was stupid of her, now you won’t be able to pay for your next half either
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Comments (3)
Jon Tessler 14
so you didn't simply say, can you hold on 1 second, my roommate is being immature, and then walk out of the apartment/house? YDI for not thinking on your feet.
RichardPencil 32
File a lawsuit for hiring discrimination. They can't discriminate against you because you're caring for a Tourette's Syndrome patient. Until the sweet settlement cash rolls in, you and your roommate can open a phone sex line and rake in money from OG pervs.
Zer0 2
Well that was stupid of her, now you won’t be able to pay for your next half either