By Conor Moreau - 18/8/2020 23:02

Parental approval

Today, I left my favorite hoodie in the kitchen. Not 5 seconds after I left the kitchen to go to my room, I overheard my dad say, "Any chance we can just throw that out before he notices?" FML

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1096

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BO Central

Time to run

Ungrateful

By sweetdreams - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

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11652

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1373

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By maryann - 13/1/2021 08:01

Skinny love

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

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782

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By stilljobless - United States - Willimantic

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

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31435

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

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32844

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4358

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By illiterate - Australia

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

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11188

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32916

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By alexa - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

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26951

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2616

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

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29346

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26568

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By anonymous - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

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31348

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7326

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

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26340

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16454

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

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30579

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10343

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By ChevRooon - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

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15111

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38913

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By Anon - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

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22595

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1462

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By Anonymous - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

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42599

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5353

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By Lala - United States - Denver

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

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22409

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2151

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By lisa - Australia - Kensington

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

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22642

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1377

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7774

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430

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By Bladerunner - United States

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

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34048

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3507

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

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14580

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By kash - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

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39357

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3165

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

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11938

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61162

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By UnexpectedMom - 31/12/2020 02:01

The fertility dance worked

Today, I'm currently 9 months pregnant with my second child within 3 years. I was told by 4 different doctors over the course of the past 5 years that I'm incapable of having kids, due to a medical condition that affects my reproductive system. FML

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608

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284

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By Unhappymothersday - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

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28415

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2150

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By fmlimoverit - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

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30154

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3672

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By OhDear - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

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33703

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5066

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By ashamed father - Canada - Brampton

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

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46745

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8595

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

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17576

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23252

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By WatchOut - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

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49740

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13024

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By Anonymous - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

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32840

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3608

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

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84549

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6624

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 02:02 - United States

Seize the means of production

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

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1393

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By thickly - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

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10490

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1867

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By Anonymous

Today, I walked in on my little brother dressing up like Billie Eilish, his new favorite singer. He tore up some of my favorite clothes to make the outfits. FML

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1796

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129

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By RinoaHeartilly

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

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2471

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235

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

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30734

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5358

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By Anonymous - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

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24483

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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23304

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7375

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By annon - Canada

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

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34358

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3354

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By Julia - United States

Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

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30912

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2526

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By Sundendako - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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41264

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3521

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By Ah piss - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

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27027

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3874

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Top comments

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7932170 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 0:34

So your major difficulty in life is that your dad doesn't like your sweater.

By akvan | 8

#7932158 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 23:59

Do you wash it constantly?

COMMENTS

By akvan | 8

#7932158 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 23:59

Do you wash it constantly?

RichardPencil | 29

#7932168 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 0:29

I'm guessing he washes it never. Dad was going to call a hazmat team to decontaminate the kitchen in case humans ever wanted to eat from there ever again.

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7932170 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 0:34

So your major difficulty in life is that your dad doesn't like your sweater.

kfchicken_fml | 27

#7932203 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 5:47

I mean FML is supposed to be lighthearted, good for op for having a good life I guess.

By TomeDr | 21

#7932429 - Thursday 20 August 2020 3:38

Dude! How ratty IS that hoodie of yours??

By bloopaloop | 27

#7932430 - Thursday 20 August 2020 4:13

Most people don’t smell their own stink. Getting rid of it will probably help you with the ladies too