Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
truslide 0
LMAO must have been a hard kick to do that and even then, why the hell would you kick a cat that hard?
uhmfml 0
I don't think your child will be crawling in your bed anymore for a while... if ever.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (1184)
blacklite69 0
I'm with #1, why the **** would you kick that hard, even if it was a cat??! Psycho...
ShenziSixaxis 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
A kid shouldn't be afraid of something as natural as thunder unless the lightning is right in front of your house and the thunder shakes the house.
Thale_fml 8
Er... I'm 18 and I've been afraid of thunder all my life.
cgpatrick 0
The kid was 2. I'm pretty sure it's natural to be afraid of thunder when you're 2 years old.
lolol182 4
call DYFS asap
fishburger420 0
too bad it wasn't a cat! cat's suck!
swimmer3141 10
cats*
awatts5 1
Obviously it's not felines who "suck" so much as your intellectual capabilities. It's funny how cat haters usually have a double digit iq. Don't like anything that is smarter than you ?
s55m 4
i hate cats and i hot a 33 on the act, so i think im pretty smart haha idiot
koolkat27 13
1182- Your spelling says otherwise.
dmmd8686 0
Honest mistake...sort of. FYL
crazyjack 0
Oh yeah and why would you kick your cat so hard that it'd hit the wall?
T1K1MAN 0
It's okay, at least you don't eat babies for breakfast like I do.
scarred_foreva 40
Thank goodness for that!
nwc020 0
bad parenting FTW
nwc020 0
bad parenting FTW
mr_granger 0
People like you should not be allowed to have pets. And I am not being like #10, way overreacting. I truly think that people like you, who would kick your cat hard enough to hit the wall, are extremely sickening, and I really hope I never meet you.
ell1609 0
people like you shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
zakkyzebra 11
i think its funny