Kids: Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter...

By bodhimae - 03/05/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 096

You deserved it 2 376

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Same thing different taste

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 13 633

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 471

You deserved it 6 724

Coming through

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 18:00

Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 187

React content

By fmlfmlfml - 02/06/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 962

You deserved it 252 005

By icanthearyou - 04/04/2013 23:55 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 089

You deserved it 4 012

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 907

You deserved it 3 243

Sorry!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 14:00

Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 108

What's up doc?

By fml - 29/07/2012 12:20 - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 683

You deserved it 5 852

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 3 442

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 075

You deserved it 3 962

Sourcow 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 17:59

She's gonna make a great mom :)

Some___Guy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 22:48

The last sentence is great!

Comments

Sourcow 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 17:59

She's gonna make a great mom :)

SokDek 14

Monday 5 July 2010 16:56

hahah... kids will be kids...

tWitt3rBuG 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 18:27

Hmmm, potential doctor? L0l

tinkerbell1357 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 15:27

aww she must be adorable cuz she sure is bad!!!

marrrrgo 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 18:31

hahahah awwww

H3avy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 19:06

lol

KwitIt 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 19:34

Ohhhhhh no! See a doctor right away and keep stabby things out of her reach! Lol!

Metzler31 17

Sunday 31 January 2010 18:19

stabby things? lol

AJComix 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 20:23

The solution is, BBQ. Menu? One toddler.

marcosfml15 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 22:21

perfect.

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

Sunday 8 August 2010 7:42

baby back ribs anyone? (Lame puns RULE!)

RavuAlHemio 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 20:25

YDI for having had a kid.

Some___Guy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 22:48

The last sentence is great!

ditlihi 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:51

WTF man? Was there like blood coming out your ear, too? OMG!!!!

Stacia 0

Friday 29 May 2009 17:47

FYL, but where was her mother? Wasn't she watching her if you were napping?

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The Top

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 792

You deserved it 11 207

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 933

The Top

Today, my wife said I shouldn't wash or iron the clothes, or do the dusting and vacuuming, because, I "don't do it correctly." Also my wife: "You don't do anything to help around here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 164

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality, he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 030

You deserved it 7 866

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 5 758

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 676

You deserved it 2 921

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 417

You deserved it 33 335

Today, I found out that my 14-year-old son spent hundreds of dollars on what appears to be a misogynist multi-level marketing hustlers' website. How did he pay for this horseshit, and how did I found out? My PayPal account sent me emails, telling me that several purchases had been made, but too late for me stop them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 205