Today, I was walking down my road in the hill-country of Texas, when I spotted something shiny buried in the dirt. Thinking it could be something interesting, I picked it up, and, after turning it over numerous times in my hand, realized that it was, in fact, an old silver bullet vibrator. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML
Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years-old, and have since misplaced it. FML
Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML
Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML
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Top comments
Sagar Nair 12
Well you gotta admit, that IS interesting.
Regulate 21
Vampire hunters need to get off too I guess.
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Comments (16)
Manual_Manoosy 21
That's Amazing!!
Manual_Manoosy 21
Sounds like you're lucky day. Did it still work?
Cyberpope 3
Discarded by the blonde because it was chipping her teeth?
msmarley 1
ROFLL too funny
Duckiewithasthma 1
Hey everyone, OP here, so sorry for the late reply to all of your excellent questions! Firstly, it did NOT work, that's why it took me a little while to realize what the button was supposed to do. I just dropped it and ran the rest of the way home to wash my hands. A couple hours later, though, I thought it was pretty funny and decided to go back for it, this time with a tissue to pick it up with. I washed it (with rubber gloves, mind you) and put it in a drawer with the other neat things I've found on the side of the road here, right next to a pair of broken spectacles. Hopefully no one opens the drawer. So there you have it, the full tale of my first encounter with a real sex toy.
JackWood 21
Everyone in Texas has one or needs one.