Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather... - FML

By dejected - 28/2/2010 01:32 - United States

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

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Rock, hard place

KoBabe

Race against the clock

By queen_lol - 10/5/2016 17:14 - United States

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

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By sweetsixteen - 22/6/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find several of my friends there for a surprise sweet sixteen party my mom was throwing for me. Everything was going great until the doorbell rang and a clown walked in. My mom hired a clown for my sweet sixteen. My friends took pictures. FML

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By knuckleheadknock - 10/11/2016 02:11

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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By coltsfoot - 23/5/2010 09:08 - Norway

Today, while having sex with the guy I have seen for about 3 years, he answered the phone. I found out that he had a girlfriend while he was inside me. FML

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By himtopia19 - 3/3/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

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By logkitty - 10/4/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

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By crying over wasted milk - 14/8/2019 17:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, in a fit of jealousy, my 10 year-old unplugged my freezer and lifted the lid before bed. It’s over 80°F in my garage. Now, my entire supply of breast milk is destroyed. Not only do I not have enough stored to feed my own baby, I was also donating to local hospitals. FML

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By anonymous - 29/8/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

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By Jeanna - 15/3/2016 23:14 - United States - Baskett

Today, I went into a store for an interview. I've had several places wanting to talk to me and this job was a lot lower paying. I got a little cocky and when offered the job, I said I wanted some time to finish my other interviews first and see what my options were. The manager then took back his offer. FML

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By blah blah - 28/2/2019 14:00

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

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By shawty_x - 26/4/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

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By take a fucking seat, gran - 14/12/2013 22:05 - United States - Fullerton

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

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By BabeRuth - 20/9/2013 15:33 - United States

Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

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By fmylife - 26/8/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

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By mcdonalds - 6/8/2013 04:11 - United States

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

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By TooShortToCleanThat - 20/3/2015 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 05:00

Moving

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2010 11:04 - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

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By serverdessert - 8/3/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

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By BilletsDoudous - 15/1/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

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By xoxo - 1/4/2020 02:00 - United States

Miscommunication

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

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By fitzy79 - 31/1/2014 20:04 - United States

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 20:09 - United States

Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML

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By Bex - 20/1/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2009 22:53 - Canada

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

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By jeezy - 23/2/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

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By howembarrasing - 19/4/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2014 15:43 - India - Mumbai

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

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By EnglishLearner - 9/11/2012 16:23 - Switzerland - Mannedorf

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

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By fuckina - 29/11/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

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By greek_dancer - 13/7/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML

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By Samaritan - 19/1/2010 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

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By bleeding - 6/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2011 11:22 - France

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By yen - 7/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

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By laststand11 - 26/12/2011 01:35 - Reserved

Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML

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Top comments

By facingforeverr | 0

#899938 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:13

change the batteries

By PsychoMerk | 0

#899976 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:19

Josh, sweetie, do you need a hug? :] because you seem awfully irritable 9_9

COMMENTS

By cheezewhizz | 0

#899912 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Melkezidech | 0

#899961 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:16

No way?

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#899964 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:17

CHANGE THE FUCKIN BATTERIES AND STFU. Go out there and get some real friends and a life.

Reply

thor89 | 0

#899974 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:19

I'll be funny if you would call a suicide hotline and no one would answer

HAHAHAHa
__
•_•
<>

Reply

PsychoMerk | 0

#899976 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:19

Josh, sweetie, do you need a hug? :] because you seem awfully irritable 9_9

Reply

Emofluffinzhehe | 0

#900016 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:34

hah no tea parties for you!

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#900021 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:38

@psychomerk if your givin the hugs I'll take them XD your hella pretty. but this fmls stupid toys break batteries die. she needs to get a bf the will take her to build a bear and get her a new one. hell I'll take her if she looks like u psycho hahaha

Reply

andruha1123 | 5

#900149 - Sunday 28 February 2010 11:01

where is snickerdoodles when u need her?

Reply

Fuzzy_Old_Peache | 0

#900387 - Sunday 28 February 2010 14:01

Lol ftw thor!

Reply

Blondie08_fml | 0

#900423 - Sunday 28 February 2010 14:30

GO back to preschool its rejected brain surgeon

Reply

PurpleSquirrel | 0

#900507 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:25

roflmfao #19

Reply

demon1k | 0

#900950 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:49

And then you went to blow your brains out but your shotgun misfired??? FYL

Reply

woofis | 0

#900953 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:50

well given the circumstances the coincidence must have been quite discouraging

Reply

george456 | 0

#901024 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:22

#19: There was recently an FML where that actually happened.

Reply

joshy_boy | 0

#901043 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:29

i know how u feel...

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#901227 - Sunday 28 February 2010 19:54

You be needing one of those mirror thingymabobbies. :)

Reply

akagron | 0

#901240 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:01

OP needs a Lilith Mirror so she can expose everybody else to be ugly, so she can get lotsa' friends.

Reply

quikwit1212 | 0

#901691 - Sunday 28 February 2010 22:50

@67: Dejected is an actual word. It basically means depressed. Guess who needs to go back to preschool?

Reply

ipts | 0

#902793 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:03

why does evr1 get mad when people mispell words? maybe they font feel like typin the whole god [email protected] word out? and u obviously still know what theyre sayin, so stfu and stop b*tchin

Reply

cooluc | 0

#902839 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:24

Today, my stuffed animal's batteries died. FML

Reply

fudgenick | 4

#965413 - Sunday 21 March 2010 0:59

maybe everyone would like you more if you stopped being so self pitying as to think a stuffed animal rejected you. YOU are rejecting IT by not giving it more batteries :(

Reply

lamppost1423 | 0

#982844 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 3:42

s

Reply

lamppost1423 | 0

#982846 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 3:44

son
of a
b****

Reply

Angi95 | 3

#2692310 - Thursday 16 June 2011 5:44

Play in the rain. Weee!!!

Reply

alexd10293 | 0

#2727643 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 4:59

Are you serious? The bear is simply broken, it is merely a stuffed bear, therefore it cannot have feelings. Having said that, I am sorry that your bear is broken.

By shlee053 | 2

#899915 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:09

that sucksss

Reply

ladiesman14 | 0

#901135 - Sunday 28 February 2010 19:09

are you a squirter like cythera the porn star ?if not why dont you just hump a pillow until you reach the big o ?

Reply

hippiechick96 | 3

#1127376 - Friday 23 July 2010 8:38

98, that's so creepy, confusing, and random o.o

By texas_justice | 0

#899927 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:12

...and the bad news is, no one here cares either.

Reply

Nuclear_Ninja | 6

#2368741 - Monday 18 April 2011 22:10

Dude shut up. It's obvious he's having a bad day. Im backing him 100%, because I'm going through something similar right now. At least he has friends.

Reply

gamegeek42 | 6

#2751884 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:45

I think op is a girl lol

Reply

MrHighRo1995 | 0

#3385448 - Tuesday 4 October 2011 8:10

Nigga u gay to

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6042471 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 1:14

You cared enough to comment, 3

By PsychoMerk | 0

#899929 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:12

*squeezes OP*.... wow. you really ARE unlovable :'(

Reply

joshy_boy | 0

#901482 - Sunday 28 February 2010 21:00

your sexy :) i want a hug :(

By cheezewhizz | 0

#899934 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:12

Yeah, same sitch, dude.

Reply

facingforeverr | 0

#899965 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:17

second

Reply

PsychoMerk | 0

#899966 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:18

I "recommend" a dictionary :) and a bullet in your mouth.

Reply

GeneralCha | 3

#900048 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:54

Why would he put a bullet in his mouth? I would understand if you wanted him to shoot himself but just putting a bullet in his mouth will solve nothing =P

Reply

bebz_fml | 0

#900107 - Sunday 28 February 2010 10:26

yeah cause you would totally shoot yourself if you spelt a word wrong?

note the sarcasm..

Reply

MF12 | 0

#900814 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:01

she wants to shoot him because he RECOMMENDED SUICIDE

Reply

IronMaiden45 | 0

#2664382 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:56

dude that Is harsh

By Back_In_Action | 18

#899935 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:13

Inanimate objects can't feel, so an abstract concept like rejection from a stuffed animal is impossible.

Also, I know that this might be a foreign concept to you, but your friends and family have a life outside of you. Unless this is a recurring situation, get over it.

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#900122 - Sunday 28 February 2010 10:35

Haha, totally agree.

Reply

cooldude255220 | 1

#900241 - Sunday 28 February 2010 12:19

are you lockwoodkatie?

Reply

cooldude255220 | 1

#900249 - Sunday 28 February 2010 12:20

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Reply

TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900554 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:48

^this.

Reply

TheBreaKer_fml | 0

#900897 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:31

is spartaa!!!!

Reply

facingforeverr | 0

#901495 - Sunday 28 February 2010 21:05

lol win 83

Reply

cooldude255220 | 1

#901642 - Sunday 28 February 2010 22:25

point?

By facingforeverr | 0

#899938 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:13

change the batteries

By Invisable_No_one | 0

#899944 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:13

aww its ok i love you :) *hugs OP* .....wait....ew....whats that smell......EW.....im sorry you are too smelly to be lovable.....go shower

Reply

TheAbsentOne | 0

#901017 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:18

Win.

Reply

nazooer | 11

#901047 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:31

How the fuck is that a "win"? Stupid.

By KurouTenshi | 0

#899948 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:14

well maybe if you changed the batteries once in a while, it'd feel loved an would return your feelings.

By gagneana000 | 5

#899950 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:14

Haha! Loser! Just kidding.... That sucks. At least it didn't grow in to a 50ft Teddy Monster and ate you. Teddy's have INCREDIABLY bad indigestion so you could have been in there for a very very very long time!