Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
zappo1214 2
Do other people not flush in between?
stormchaser24 24
If he loves you he won't care much. Just a tip, flush more often and then it might not clog. Like when half way done flush.
Unbweavable 17
All jokes aside I'm horrified of that too.
The_Thinker 18
Oh, I don't. But do continue, if that's your cup of tea. With time, my eyes shall learn to filter out your comments.
UnluckyJulie 13
The next time you go to the store, then, I suggest you pick up a plunger and some air freshener while you're there. Also, you might think about investing in a fiber supplement. Really, though, EVERYBODY defecates. Don't think you're the first one to encounter this awkward problem. I'm sure that your boyfriend already realized that even his sexy, perfect girlfriend poops just like every other human being when he asked you to move in with him. He'll just have to get used to it. It's not like you're a freak!
shaddol3lade 7
Fail
False_Stupidity 42
Just like your comment, what a coincidence!
AzzieC 12
That.... Is just sad
nesso247 3
Us men love a lady who can shit well!!!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
If you've got a scat fetish.
Hellostarshine92 10
Are you even old enough to say "Us MEN?"
fthku 13
When and why did you even develop a habit like that, anyway?
Palirose 22
35 I used to type like that too, until I took an arrow to the.....never mind over used joke. Point is though I did and I learned my lesson, never again will I make that mistake.