Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
jwbfml 11
Sooner or later you're going to run out of reasons to go to the store.
murphdarkly 13
Add fiber or laxatives to your diet, so you take more but smaller poos
xxcloboxx 1
What do you eat that makes you clog up the toilet each time?... I think it's time to lay off whatever it is.
thatguyyx 4
... Just flush more often in between. Problem solved. I'm a genius, I know.
snafu63 0
you could just unclog the toilet and not tell him that you clogged it. you're not very bright. do you walk out of the bathroom and say, "just took a wicked shit and backed up the toilet something awful." ydi
ChelsiiBabee 5
My exact response.
urMaster 0
Ewww lol
TheyCallMeDamien 18
I suggest a change in diet perhaps...
hecallsmedarlin 7
Maybe you shouldn't be living with your boyfriend quite yet if you are still embarrassed about taking a dump with him around. I mean, it's only natural.. Everyone *****. Living together and you still are not comfortable about things like that with him I think you might want to rethink your relationship and where you two are at in it.
lefty619 6
Ever heard of a courtesy flush? Haha flush multiple times to reduce build up But that names awesome hahhahahah hahahaha "the dumper"