Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
noisebox 1
Well I could say you're full of sh-t but I won't
SamanthaCassieL 10
I use to have this fear, and If you have a plunger, then he doesn't need to know what's going on in the bathroom. If he asks, tell him, not rudely or in a nervous way, just be like eh, it happens lol and shrug it off, they will too if you do.
temposdj 3
Mercy flush baby yeah
goose12321 11
He'd be proud if anything lol.
kenleybunch 15
I'd rather my boyfriend know then have to poop at the dreaded gas station. D:
bmkc4 1
It just seems like a hassle to have to leave every time you need to poop
OfficeNinja 5
Just double or even triple flush! Or, if you are really that full of shit, you may experience the legendary quad-flusher.
loserman67 36
Well, number one, when you have someone move in with you, like he did, you take the good with the bad. Number two, there is nothing wrong with a woman that can "power dump" in fact I have respect for that. Number three, if you're afraid of clogging, try using "courtesy flushes" as you drop your logs so they go down easily. And finally, if you're providing him regular sex, good head, swallowing, etc... I am sure he'll care less about a clogged toilet here or there.
MrFuzzles 5
How do you think the corner store owner feels about this? Think about him too!
Jaxx66 21
When each word is capitalised, I seem to read it like a robot would say it.
Slackness 10
Give yourself a dose of 'Klean-Prep (TM)' then you should be 'good to go' for a while... I remember pure bliss prior to a colonoscopy, you will love it!
DiruKitty18 8
I don't know about the prep solution you got, but before my colonoscopy I wanted to kill myself and everyone around me xD Different doctors give different preps I guess.
Roflsauruz 12
Giving yourself an enema/using laxatives often (more than once a week or two!) will just end up making you sick and depleted of vitamins and minerals... PLUS, it can also cause damage, like ulcers and hemmorages, on the colon wall.... I would just stick to fiber. And it's best to start with a low dose and work your way up so you don't end up with explosive diarrhea or stomach cramps. (as an IBD sufferer, I've tried everything...)