Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
dinosaurass_ 2
And what's going to happen when you clog up the corner store's loo as well? You'll have to find somewhere else. Just man up, buy yourself a plunger and use your own toilet!
FireFlie07 20
Ya might want to see a GI specialist
Roflsauruz 12
........Because her colon is healthy and regular? No.... :/ obviously her metabolism is just causing her system to process more food than the average person does during the day (her metabolism is faster, and stomach emptying is efficient), which is very healthy. Man, if -I- could shit even every OTHER day I'd be so happy.... :/ lolllll..... However, she should probably look into a supplement to change her stool frequency, or to invest in a new toilet, or to use less TP. .....We really don't have enough information here to know the exact cause - it could just be that she balls up a whole bunch of toilet paper and expects it to go down smoothly....
CaramelMacchiato 13
61 - AND WHEN SOMEONE TYPES LIKE THIS I feel like they're yelling.
kcor1176 0
It's a natural thing. We all shit.
perdix 31
Courtesy flushes in mid-dump will help. Like a person, a toilet can take only so much shit at a given time. Your fear is well-founded. I live alone and get thoroughly disgusted with myself when I clog the toilet -- I can only imagine the revulsion I'd feel when someone else does it!
perdix 31
I should have known it was you! When I undid the clog, I noticed bits of Eggo boxes floating around -- you need to throw those in the trash. You don't need to hide your Eggo addiction from me. As long as you pass your weekly weigh-in, you can eat as many as you like.
perdix 31
Then, we'll get you down to two boxes a day of Nutri-Grain Eggos and pump up your exercise routine. When we've whipped you back into shape, you can go back to three boxes a day of any flavor you want :D
SouthernPride95 19
Your user name is awesome
TheIchiban 11
Change your diet, eat more fiber--there are cereals and pills etc.-- and get a check up like everyone else said.
xtalondriver 14
You might consider modifying your diet. A high carb diet can result in high volume movements. Maybe try flushing mid-dump, as well.
MrRager7 1
Just flush more than once while you're on it. Maybe after every push in this case..
abrams70 19
Miralax to soften, less tp...problem solve, no plunger needed