Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
Frankie24 2
Just wait till you go into the store with him one day and they say, hey, there's the girl takes massive dumps here everyday and clogs the toilet. That will be worse. Also, I hate it when guys claim women don't poop. Break the myth and stop this nonsense!
melodywarner17 0
Afraid your boyfriend will be disgusted but not the store owners or all of the FML world...
xkonstantine125x 7
daily poop? uhm thats probably why youre clogging the toilet.
courtneyann211 10
It's normal to go once a day. It's actually healthy
xkonstantine125x 7
It's average to go once a day, but healthy is pooping 2-3 times a day. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's healthy. I mean look at the obesity rate in America.
hecallsmedarlin 7
2-3 times a day?!! That's a little extreme... & def not the average amount of times to go.. Pooping that many times I think there might be something wrong... The average IS once a day, although I go 1 every 2 days, sometimes every 3 but that's when I'M having a problem of my own.
xkonstantine125x 7
If you eat healthy 2-3 times is what the average for people with great health is.
DanielleinDC 34
No, one should have a poo at least once a day, preferably more--at least if the person in question eats enough fiber. Since I'm veg, I get plenty of fiber, so I'm pretty, uh, regular. The idea that you poo once a day came about when the crappy American fiber-deficient diet became the norm. Sorry if that's TMI.
Anth194 3
It's ******* annoying
tmmundy 17
#17...just how old are you? You look old enough to know that typing like that looks very stupid, I would hope. I'm wonder what you do for a living, hope it doesn't involve typing.
marcus903 17
I find it real interesting how there are more YDI's than FYL's. Do you idiots really believe he can control how big his stool is?
eccentrix 12
They're complaining that they do something they choose to do, that's my reasoning for a YDI vote.
coffee_man900 16
117 - Strange how you refer to the other people as idiots, yet you refer to a Female OP as a He? I think we can all conclude where the title "Idiot" belongs. Read, then respond. It's that easy. Also, OP is receiving many YDI votes because she is trying to hide her natural bodily function and her ability to clog a toilet from her Boyfriend. Is that not her own doing? :) Have a great day.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I think OP is a she.
Roflsauruz 12
SHE****, and HER****.... :/
Roflsauruz 12
Strange,.... Every time I refresh this thread, there's a different set of comments (and my post didn't go through until like an hour after I hit "send"... Wtf?)... First refresh there was another person's response about calling people idiots when this thread starter ^ couldn't even read that it was a SHE, not a HE... Then on another refresh, THAT comment is just gone, and my comment and another girl's comment is there.... Frustrated with the glitches... It's probably just this stupid app. Ugh.
mattorama 15
Yes. You very much can, and there's plenty of remedies even if you don't.
marcus903 17
You damned right I'm an idiot. All just because I made a mistake and accidentally refered the OP as a 'she'.
fthku 13
Also because you failed to realise that the YDIs were because OP was acting immature, making that your seconds mistake. You also made a third mistake, counting the fact you CAN, as stated above, control your stool via medicationproper eating. But most of all it was the condescending "Do you idiots" part which ultimately led to you being called an idiot. So that's 3 mistakes, and a lousy attitude. Basically, not one positive thing about your comment.
Roflsauruz 12
116... She's -14-. I doubt she does anything for a living besides text "friends" and skip school.....
bmkc4 1
If you are embarrassed to shit in the home you share then why do you live together? Sounds a little crazy don't ya think?
Iknoweverything 29
Sounds like you moved in with your boyfriend before you were ready. Part of living with a man is sharing a bathroom with him. If you aren't able to do that yet, you probably shouldn't move in with him. BUT, since you already did, maybe you should sit down with him, and tell him why you haven't been going at home. I bet he won't even care, and then your fears will be eradicated. And if he does care, maybe you need to think about moving to a place with a more worthy toilet.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
It didn't post my comment. So, 121. Hi. I'm 14. Don't let her spoil your opinion of us. I take school very seriously. I don't miss unless I'm EXTREMELY sick. I even skipped a grade. C: I also take engineering classes at the local community college. I guess I'm part of the minority that actually cares how their typing looks. Also, I rarely text. I like handwritten letters or face-to-face communication. Also, this is funny. Because on another post she said I was annoying. I comment a lot, but hey, at least I put effort into typing. Sorry for the long comment.