Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (266)
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
If he really loves you, he won't give a shit about your...erm, shit. If you clog the toilet, simply un-clog it. Boys know that girls poop like normal people. xD
inkedav 8
Says who? O_o
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Says me. I guess.
micahsmommy 13
I do believe you're using too much toilet paper. Either that or your stool is way too hard. Just keep a plunger next to the toilet just in case.
darwinism 30
Sounds like you make quite a bog! You should be careful because you are taking quite a risk there! Normal rules of nature state that, when needing to go to the toilet while travelling, the closer you get to the toilet, the need to go amplifies exponentially! And if one day you don't make it in time......FYL
TTEmeraldRaven 3
I clogged the toilet once but I hadn't pooped in a week. Another time was from using to much t.p. Nothing a plunger couldn't fix.
HairyPunisher 27
I'm sure OP is thankful for the valuable information.
likeAwesome 3
Be more concerned about te stores bathrom
The_Thinker 18
I Have No Idea Why You Put In The Extra Effort To Do This, When Typing Normally Is Much Less Hassle...
ManBroSkiGirl 10
People who do that annoy me :(. I mean, it's bodily functions.
hecallsmedarlin 7
....every comment I have seen of yours on this site has been thumbed down.... I think this means something.. don't you??
cptmorgan6 8
Some toilets clog easier than others. Test it out. If you continue to clog it often then fyl. What do you eat?
mea_iloveskiing 26
I love nutella
random_ribbons 15
And I love when people don't make pointless comments that don't relate to the FML at all.
mea_iloveskiing 26
I'm glad you did :)
joejoejoey 4
Wow, you must have a mam poop.
ShyAnn29 15
Yes OP has mam poop, since she is a lady