Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
Today, my brother was asking why I'm mad at him. Not a big deal, if we and our friends weren't now banned from a pub, all because he got shitfaced, started smoking weed and stripping off in public, even though marijuana wasn't allowed at all. FML
Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML
Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML
Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML
Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML
Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, my brother has decided to hustle hate groups. Everyone, including the police, think he's some sort of Robin Hood. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except he's trying to recruit people. Any day now we're going to be attacked by Nazis. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Perhaps this will break him of a bad habit.
theslimshadylp 6
Best show on television. Who doesn't want to be like Walter White? He's a badass.
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Comments (100)
csi_fml 19
Oh boy i sometimes really hate society
delicious69 5
Time to lock your brother in the attic.
doodlecloud 27
I'll be honest, though I've heard the name, I don't really know what Breaking Bad is...I am curious as to why you were hanging out in the park with your 43 year old brother though, particularly if he's such a moron. Don't adult siblings normally meet at each other's houses for dinner and stuff?
LiL_Dub 2
I love it! That's HILARIOUS!!!
kemando 22
That's eisenberg to you.
HyVriD 5
5524 5
Ha ha ha already ;)
loserboii 11
Sounds like your brother was partly a meth head.
swimgood 16
Wording is weird
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
At least he didn't use ricin ... or did he?