Pity party cancelled

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 04:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, and every single time someone I actually feel comfortable with comes into my life, I end up fucking everything up. Whenever they don't reply, I won't for a while too, just to see if they'll check on me but they never do. Am I really that shitty? Is it so bad that I want to feel wanted? FML
I agree, your life sucks 399
You deserved it 662

Same thing different taste

Top comments

I get the not wanting to bother people &/or feeling uncomfortable asking for attention but also really wanting it. It's a horrible catch 22. But in just dating, especially the early stages, people get sidetracked, life is happening on their end as well. My general rule is if I haven't heard back by Friday then give them an "oof, busy week, how's yours been?" over the weekend. If they get back to you and the conversation picks back up, yay. If not then they're ghosting you and are no longer relevant. Unless they come back with a decent excuse for the radio silence, of course.

Maybe you should work on your communication skills first. Dropping contact just to see when the other person talks to you is… I don’t want to say manipulative, but it sure feels that way. Sometimes life just happens and you don’t have time to talk to someone and then it’s been weeks with zero contact and the other person feels super uncomfortable and like they’re not important to you for you not to have spoken to them. Literally just talk to them. Express how you’re feeling and that you feel like you’re not a priority to them. They can’t read your mind, and they can’t fix it if they don’t know it’s broken.

Comments

Maybe you should work on your communication skills first. Dropping contact just to see when the other person talks to you is… I don’t want to say manipulative, but it sure feels that way. Sometimes life just happens and you don’t have time to talk to someone and then it’s been weeks with zero contact and the other person feels super uncomfortable and like they’re not important to you for you not to have spoken to them. Literally just talk to them. Express how you’re feeling and that you feel like you’re not a priority to them. They can’t read your mind, and they can’t fix it if they don’t know it’s broken.

My guess is that you probably are that shitty. People who are that petty about keeping strict tabs on who made contact last tend to be useless folk.

I get the not wanting to bother people &/or feeling uncomfortable asking for attention but also really wanting it. It's a horrible catch 22. But in just dating, especially the early stages, people get sidetracked, life is happening on their end as well. My general rule is if I haven't heard back by Friday then give them an "oof, busy week, how's yours been?" over the weekend. If they get back to you and the conversation picks back up, yay. If not then they're ghosting you and are no longer relevant. Unless they come back with a decent excuse for the radio silence, of course.

One of the hard facts to learn in dating and love is that just because we are interested in a specific person doesn’t automatically mean they will return that feeling. You have to find a person who appeals to you and they are interested in you… Dating is difficult, more often than not you aren’t going to find a good match at any given time. But like a salesperson you have to keep on trying so that you can find a compatible match. A wise person will also look honesty at themselves and sense if they are in the same league as the person they are interested in. Fortunately that sense of desirability consists of many things - such as looks, style, personality, and career or lifestyle. It’s not one single aspect - It’s the sum of all the aspects. If you are clearly not in the same league as your love interest, then to pursue that person is going to be more challenging and will not necessarily end well. It’s like I told my son when he first started expressing an interest in girls - Don’t focus your attention on the prettiest girl in the class. Pretty or handsome people get plenty of attention from others and won’t value your attention as much as someone else might. Ideally you need to look at the whole person not just one aspect. I suggest focusing your attention on people who seem friendly - It’s a lot easier to get to know a friendly person. It’s also a good thing to be.

Don't feel too bad, dating is very competitive. An average girl on social media or dating apps has hundred if not thousands of men trying to get their attention at all times. Also intentionally waiting to send a reply is basically playing games, don't do that.

There are 2 sure-fire ways to push people away: 1: Being needy 2: Playing mind games. Don't do that. Sometimes people just get busy or distracted or something. What most people are looking for is someone who makes them feel comfortable and who they can just be themselves with, not someone who is forever questioning their motives. Just chill and work on yourself. Become an awesome person, in shape and going somewhere in life. That way you stop being the hunter and start being the watering hole.