By Bec - 25/07/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML
I agree, your life sucks 37 354
You deserved it 3 586

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 10 541
You deserved it 29 112

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Top comments

weed makes ya paranoid man...

can't pick your family, fyl



dope- f*ck tha police it's a remix by nwa

Wow your brother is an Imbecile. I smoked a joint WITH a cop once lmao. And even if they catch you with a joint, they'll take it away and tell you to fuck off lol.

Australian version of Cheech and Chong not as funny as I had hoped. "Dave's not here mate"

54- I love your picture man!!

OP probably facepalm'd

cops are always around my house ever since those officers disappeared.. it was worth it though, they were tasty

now, I'm not a grammar Nazi but I love how just about everyone misspells neighbor

Thank Christ you don't consider yourself a grammar Nazi, because you'd make a shit one. Stop being an ignorant moron and giving real Americans a bad name simply because you have the literacy skills of a kindergartener. The OP is from Australia, which uses British English, as does almost all of the English speaking world outside of the USA. Therefore, "neighbour" is spelled correctly, dipshit. Or are you just a troll?

now I'm not a grammar Nazi but I love how every one misspells neighbor

I thought it was I before E. Except after C. I forget the rest.

OP, was this the genius I saw on the news who got himself stuck between a retaining wall and a fence?

I saw that too, it was in Sydney so chances are yes.

I'm gunna go with yes anyway...

cute very cite

54, that's awesome. wish I met a cool cop like that only with blunts. blunts >>> joints

ur a fucking liar man

Face Palm that is all

weed makes ya paranoid man...

Umm, no. Weed make you chill as fuck.

21 not at first I remember when I first started I would get extremely paranoid but now I never get paranoid.

It must be the ganja!

weed makes the world crazy.As log as you are cool with the cops, they wont fuck with you.

completely depends on the area in Utah no way. You're the devil in their eyes. in kentucky most cops view it as a waste of there time.

this FML reminds me of the first transformers movie

...It's the marijuana that's creeping upon me while I'm so high Maybe it's the Hindi that has gotten in me Whatever's gotten into me I don't mind I like your profile pic btw.

Dave chappelle to neil Patrick Harris. undercover brother. 2002. I sound like that guy from I love you Beth cooper except I'm not gay

haha you're funny.

ha this made me laugh so much!! :)

why does 2 remind me of the wicked witch of the west? hmm :/

haha it reminds me of her too!

I was thinking more of the witch from wicked, cheddar. lol, I love your facial expression 2! xD

Personally, I like her eyebrows the best. Very 'evil genius' ish.

*looks at 2's picture* I can see that

can't pick your family, fyl

if the little kiddy in your profile picture is related to you, I wouldn't see why you would want to pick your family:) lmao awe

you can if you adopt

No, he can't be paranoid. That's just where the pineapple express led him to, man.

At least you weren't the ones robbed.

6 - wtf ?! why is your profile picture a picture of my eyes ?

Wouldn't it be better? Just a thought. I don't really care about shitty spelling - its the juice that the FML has inside.

yea u woulda lost your sweet bong

a bit paranoid:/

I love dysfunctional families.

this guys family is normal compared to mine

mine are too over protective.. they won't let me buy ice cream from a truck because they think that "the mexicans poisoned it" btw, I'm not racist, that was a quote, it was not my intention to offend you if you are Mexican.

9- Then you'll fall head over heels for my family.

Imagine explaining that one.

it wouldve sucked more if you could spell.(:

I think you mean 'would be better if OP could spell' And your giving a spelling lesson?!

It would've been better if you used correct grammar. [=

Check their country of origin. Words are spelled differently in different countries.

you're. So, just to clarify, the person who corrected the person who corrected the person was just corrected. Everyone let's just play nice.

I was going to say that! lol