Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, it's been five days since I finally made it to my dream vacation destination, after months of planning, saving, and dreaming. I got food poisoning within hours of arriving and I've spent the last five days in my hotel room, staring at a toilet. FML
Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
FerrariCake 2
Why the hell would you go all the way to Hawaii just to spend the entire time in bed together? You could have saved a lot of money and just spent the entire week in bed together at home. Then you could have gone to Hawaii when you were able to go outside and appreciate it. Kanaloa was angry with you for being stupid, and commanded the fish to give you food poisoning.
DameGreyWulf 1
Aww... well... at least you're together? Think about how horny and wild the sex will be after waiting for so long, with such anticipation having built up before hand!
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Comments (87)
Hello_Its_Julio 0
hey at least your together(:
Danigirl_416 3
Sounds like my honeymoon 5 months ago! Except we were in Mexico and it was just my husband who was violently ill. Being the good wife, I stayed by his side.
Christianrules 1
Gay
violetwonder 9
Aww, sorry OP :( That sounds awful! Just think though,later you'll be able laugh about it.
w_haleigh 4
That sounds horrible! But at least you're married now! :)
worldclassrager 41
Good bonding time...maybe a second honey moon wouldn't be a bad idea
Blade Sorren 5
Yes I have been in this same situation almost! It was really awkward..... We were on vacation on a Royal Caribbean ship having a mighty pleasant time. We stopped in St. John, St. Martin, Turks & Caicos..... Romantic, huh? Were we banging every night? God no. Hahahahahaha. This is me before we go "I can't wait to bang on vacation." every day in my mind.... "Are we going to get it on yet?" Finally like the last night on ship we get it on it was probably the most boring intercourse of our entire relationship haha. Maybe because there was no weed? Hmm.
mymegangirl 7
fois poisoning for a whole week?? how could it last so long?
alicelouise66 5
I wasnt aware that food poisoning lasted a whole week. and if you planned on staying in bed the whole time anyway why fly all the way to Hawaii?