Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 23:31 - Brazil

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33325

You deserved it

4599

Tweet

Share

Keep the peace

Boozehound alert

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 02:12 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30773

You deserved it

6832

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11336

You deserved it

35735

Tweet

Share

By Zoe123 - 19/3/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

89996

You deserved it

16601

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/1/2013 05:27 - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44056

You deserved it

5011

Tweet

Share

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29971

You deserved it

3726

Tweet

Share

By NowBroke - 4/4/2016 09:38 - United Kingdom - Malmesbury

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25473

You deserved it

1822

Tweet

Share

By stickers - 13/5/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49484

You deserved it

4201

Tweet

Share

By heymacie - 29/4/2016 01:41 - United States - Beckley

Today, it was my second day at my new job as a bank teller. I got locked in the vault while alarms were being tested. I was in there for an hour and none of my coworkers had even noticed that I'd gone missing. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14025

You deserved it

1150

Tweet

Share

By Directionally challenged - 11/4/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37849

You deserved it

8277

Tweet

Share

By Why Me - 12/8/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30286

You deserved it

2849

Tweet

Share

By imnotcrying - 23/8/2019 20:00

Today, I signed into the Netflix account that I pay for, only to see that my ex had added a new profile for his new girlfriend. We’ve only been separated for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1826

You deserved it

280

Tweet

Share

By - 16/11/2019 18:00

My anal beads

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

946

You deserved it

1960

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/1/2015 16:30 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28111

You deserved it

4967

Tweet

Share

By Corn-ed-Teeth - 30/4/2019 18:00

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

714

Tweet

Share

By SBCR - 7/12/2012 06:01 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35101

You deserved it

2910

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 08:02 - United States - Ann Arbor

How's your hovel?

Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

949

You deserved it

72

Tweet

Share

By kat9232000 - 19/6/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17798

You deserved it

110275

Tweet

Share

By Jessie - 25/12/2010 13:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47474

You deserved it

9498

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2010 00:36 - Austria

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48299

You deserved it

3111

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 05:00

Captain Dumbass

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1814

You deserved it

541

Tweet

Share

By sherryberry2013 - 10/6/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55423

You deserved it

7010

Tweet

Share

By Lewis - 4/9/2010 11:02 - Australia

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18181

You deserved it

34268

Tweet

Share

By jobless - 20/1/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28963

You deserved it

12914

Tweet

Share

By Vac - 5/4/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59457

You deserved it

8684

Tweet

Share

By martyn28 - 13/8/2013 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43171

You deserved it

5386

Tweet

Share

By JC - 6/12/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29456

You deserved it

9811

Tweet

Share

By 733yoda - 28/6/2019 00:30

Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1380

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By Mary Kathryn - 22/4/2012 12:09 - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27107

You deserved it

6528

Tweet

Share

By Arielle - 31/1/2012 11:07 - Australia

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26489

You deserved it

4325

Tweet

Share

By Iceicebaby - 15/2/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5102

You deserved it

640

Tweet

Share

By witt75 - 23/2/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27661

You deserved it

6212

Tweet

Share

By lezbplove - 19/3/2011 05:26 - Canada

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55441

You deserved it

22898

Tweet

Share

By skippydoda - 25/6/2019 12:35

Today, I went to the bank to open an account. It took hours for them to tell me that I needed my driver's license, passport, and residency paper. I returned with the documents. They then said that they couldn't help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1619

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By my boyfriend is a slut - 3/11/2017 04:00

Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4779

You deserved it

475

Tweet

Share

By shaft2112 - 3/12/2015 20:19 - Germany - Emsdetten

Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23333

You deserved it

1433

Tweet

Share

By Gen - 17/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31435

You deserved it

9292

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/4/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29887

You deserved it

3382

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2018 13:30

Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2948

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By Aisu - 8/5/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55714

You deserved it

3049

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/2/2013 14:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44043

You deserved it

9847

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Catkam623 | 27

#5350699 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:23

Rihanna! No seriously that sucks I would try ice pack and bandages. Or if your into old style try a steak I've heard they work wonders:)

By perdix | 29

#5350722 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

And God only knows what happened to you when you were unconscious, face down on the floor with your pants around your ankles.

COMMENTS

By Catkam623 | 27

#5350699 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:23

Rihanna! No seriously that sucks I would try ice pack and bandages. Or if your into old style try a steak I've heard they work wonders:)

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350859 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:40

Or photoshop. OP can look wonderful in the wedding photos.

By alfakennybody | 10

#5350718 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:27

Ow that has happens to me before but not on my wedding day

By ThirstyGrunt | 6

#5350719 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:27

Now that's what I call a FML

Reply

ShannyAK | 16

#5350760 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:41

No really? maybe thats why its on FML. What do you think?

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#5350772 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:45

Hey hey, don't get too frustrated. He can comment whatever he wants, whether it buries him or not (:

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350864 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:44

At least they'll have something to talk and laugh about in the reception after the wedding. What a *total Icebreaker*.

By Kidkaplan | 19

#5350721 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

Cause it so hard.

Reply

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5350835 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:27

What?

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5350915 - Saturday 2 February 2013 7:27

Why?

Reply

LaLince | 40

#5350964 - Saturday 2 February 2013 8:28

When?

Reply

Imhere4fml | 24

#5350972 - Saturday 2 February 2013 8:41

Who?

Reply

skyttlz | 32

#5350993 - Saturday 2 February 2013 9:07

Where?

Reply

Docbee | 11

#5351012 - Saturday 2 February 2013 9:39

How.

Reply

el3men2m | 4

#5351054 - Saturday 2 February 2013 10:54

coolest chain of comments yet !

Reply

teareb | 9

#5352452 - Sunday 3 February 2013 10:31

Not anymore

By perdix | 29

#5350722 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

And God only knows what happened to you when you were unconscious, face down on the floor with your pants around your ankles.

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5350729 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:30

What happens at the gym, stays at the gym..

Reply

kate12345678901 | 15

#5350742 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:33

wow, you really put a dirty spin on that...

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350863 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:43

Whilst I get your reference, it's most likely (and I hope) that several mortified onlookers rushed to help her, and took good care of her by offering an ice pack/cold flannel and a drink.

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5350918 - Saturday 2 February 2013 7:28

Face down, ass up!

By TheDrifter | 23

#5350724 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

I hope your husband to be has a sense of humor, he's going to be getting dirty looks for the next few weeks.

By a1f0sff | 25

#5350726 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:29

Concealer?

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350852 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:37

She's going to need at least 5 tubes of that stuff by the sound of it.

By Inapprehensible | 11

#5350737 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:32

An ice pack and foundation should do the job.

By kate12345678901 | 15

#5350738 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:32

Wear lots of makeup???

By Chriss12321 | 7

#5350740 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:32

Well, at least the working out is paying off. You should get some tighter pants..

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350846 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:34

Or wear leggings/yoga pants. I wear leggings too (under shorts so i don't reveal too much) despite the outdated, rather victorian notion that they're only for for females.

Reply

superpoptart | 24

#5350882 - Saturday 2 February 2013 7:02

Guys on my cross country and track team wear leggings. I think it makes guy look athletic.

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5351026 - Saturday 2 February 2013 10:10

#33 - Yes, I agree. A lot of guys here in Australia wear leggings for sports. However, "meggings" are now a trend in the US and UK. Apparently, it's the next big thing for guys.

Reply

Abantiquo | 7

#5351685 - Saturday 2 February 2013 23:11

For Christ's sake, 46! Don't ever tell the blokes that they're wearing "leggings." They'll kill you. Then again, lots of them are waxing their legs, so they need to get over the "feminine" phobia.