Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 23:31 - Brazil

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

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The best cat

Hello everyone!

Not a cheating!

By Anonymous - 1/6/2011 00:50 - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

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By -.- - 13/4/2014 22:16 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

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By baldspot - 2/4/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

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By ab - 9/10/2011 05:11 - Canada

Today, a woman came into my work and yelled at me because no one told her the cake she had bought the week before was made of ice cream. She'd hidden it in the cupboard and it melted. I work in Dairy Queen. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

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By GTR - 2/6/2011 01:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2019 22:00

Today, one of my friends came over to go swimming in my pool. Before going back into the house, as it's all carpeted, I automatically took off my trunks, forgetting about my friend. I realized my mistake when my friend commented on my abnormally long foreskin. FML

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By charliebravo77 - 9/12/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML

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By gravycoveredblackberry - 19/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I had my new Blackberry Curve sitting on my lunch tray. Unthinkingly, i tossed it into the garbage can. 10 minutes later i realized I had thrown it away and spent the next hour searching through six garbage cans of half-eaten food. FML

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By atmac95 - 27/2/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML

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By during - 19/5/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

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By ProsserBabe11 - 15/4/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

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By Britney - 24/10/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML

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By RIP job - 28/9/2016 04:26 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview for an amazing opportunity. Too bad my nerves made me forget what the role was and where it was, mid-interview. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2019 14:00

Priorities, dude

Today, my friend told me I was a terrible person and didn't care about our friendship. Why? Because I broke our Snapchat streak by working and sleeping, instead of being on my phone. FML

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By coius - 6/5/2020 08:00

Rock, hard place

Today, after years of high blood pressure and 3 meds for it, a doctor informed me my blood pressure is going too low, and I'm passing out. I've been told to stop the meds. This followed an increase in my meds because it's killing my kidneys. So my choices are kidney failure, or passing out. FML

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By JacksWag4 - 16/8/2013 22:21 - United States - Romulus

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

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By Pims - 15/4/2017 12:00

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

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By tee - 6/4/2015 20:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

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By horsefuck - 7/8/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

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By >.> - 12/12/2013 05:31 - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

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By Sam - 10/10/2017 16:00

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

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By breyn - 18/2/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

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By unknown - 28/5/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

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By Boob - 7/1/2010 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

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By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

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By schoolgrlstaci - 7/4/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

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By NoScrubs - 31/10/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 08:00

Stolen valor

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

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By Lisa - 18/7/2014 20:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

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By anonymous - 19/8/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

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Top comments

By Catkam623 | 27

#5350699 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:23

Rihanna! No seriously that sucks I would try ice pack and bandages. Or if your into old style try a steak I've heard they work wonders:)

By perdix | 29

#5350722 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

And God only knows what happened to you when you were unconscious, face down on the floor with your pants around your ankles.

Comments

By Catkam623 | 27

#5350699 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:23

Rihanna! No seriously that sucks I would try ice pack and bandages. Or if your into old style try a steak I've heard they work wonders:)

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350859 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:40

Or photoshop. OP can look wonderful in the wedding photos.

By alfakennybody | 10

#5350718 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:27

Ow that has happens to me before but not on my wedding day

By ThirstyGrunt | 6

#5350719 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:27

Now that's what I call a FML

Reply

ShannyAK | 16

#5350760 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:41

No really? maybe thats why its on FML. What do you think?

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#5350772 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:45

Hey hey, don't get too frustrated. He can comment whatever he wants, whether it buries him or not (:

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350864 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:44

At least they'll have something to talk and laugh about in the reception after the wedding. What a *total Icebreaker*.

By Kidkaplan | 19

#5350721 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

Cause it so hard.

Reply

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5350835 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:27

What?

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5350915 - Saturday 2 February 2013 7:27

Why?

Reply

LaLince | 40

#5350964 - Saturday 2 February 2013 8:28

When?

Reply

Imhere4fml | 24

#5350972 - Saturday 2 February 2013 8:41

Who?

Reply

skyttlz | 32

#5350993 - Saturday 2 February 2013 9:07

Where?

Reply

Docbee | 11

#5351012 - Saturday 2 February 2013 9:39

How.

Reply

el3men2m | 4

#5351054 - Saturday 2 February 2013 10:54

coolest chain of comments yet !

Reply

teareb | 9

#5352452 - Sunday 3 February 2013 10:31

Not anymore

By perdix | 29

#5350722 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

And God only knows what happened to you when you were unconscious, face down on the floor with your pants around your ankles.

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5350729 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:30

What happens at the gym, stays at the gym..

Reply

kate12345678901 | 15

#5350742 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:33

wow, you really put a dirty spin on that...

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350863 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:43

Whilst I get your reference, it's most likely (and I hope) that several mortified onlookers rushed to help her, and took good care of her by offering an ice pack/cold flannel and a drink.

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5350918 - Saturday 2 February 2013 7:28

Face down, ass up!

By TheDrifter | 23

#5350724 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:28

I hope your husband to be has a sense of humor, he's going to be getting dirty looks for the next few weeks.

By a1f0sff | 25

#5350726 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:29

Concealer?

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350852 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:37

She's going to need at least 5 tubes of that stuff by the sound of it.

By Inapprehensible | 11

#5350737 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:32

An ice pack and foundation should do the job.

By kate12345678901 | 15

#5350738 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:32

Wear lots of makeup???

By Chriss12321 | 7

#5350740 - Saturday 2 February 2013 5:32

Well, at least the working out is paying off. You should get some tighter pants..

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5350846 - Saturday 2 February 2013 6:34

Or wear leggings/yoga pants. I wear leggings too (under shorts so i don't reveal too much) despite the outdated, rather victorian notion that they're only for for females.

Reply

superpoptart | 24

#5350882 - Saturday 2 February 2013 7:02

Guys on my cross country and track team wear leggings. I think it makes guy look athletic.

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5351026 - Saturday 2 February 2013 10:10

#33 - Yes, I agree. A lot of guys here in Australia wear leggings for sports. However, "meggings" are now a trend in the US and UK. Apparently, it's the next big thing for guys.

Reply

Abantiquo | 7

#5351685 - Saturday 2 February 2013 23:11

For Christ's sake, 46! Don't ever tell the blokes that they're wearing "leggings." They'll kill you. Then again, lots of them are waxing their legs, so they need to get over the "feminine" phobia.